All The Things I Didn’t Get to Say This Past Month


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So, I had this whole list of things I mentioned wanting to post about back at the beginning of August, but then I never did…
Here is what’s up with those things.

My car:
So, our apartment complex has been updating all the units that people have moved out of (naturally they do this AFTER Jester and I are established here and not planning to move out soon…), and back in JULY, some of the units in our particular building were getting their makeovers…

And the guy from the paint company hit my car while it was parked.

The insurance company is being worthless again (and it’s not even the same company I was with when someone hit me last spring!) and wanted us to hunt down and spy on the person who owned the car, and take pictures of them and try to get the people at the rental office to get his personal information to us because “he hit you, so his company should be the one to pay…”, when really, as far as I know, this whole thing should be treated as a hit-and-run, in which case MY company is supposed to take care of it…

Omg. But no…the rental office says it isn’t their problem, and the insurance rep from our company never called me back or replied to my email…so…fine, I guess. I’ll just get it fixed myself. I can barely even be mad anymore. Stupid shit just never stops happening to me. *shrugs*

Next, A Thing I Think When I See Managers at Other Businesses:

I despise them. I can spot store/restaurant managers a mile away, and I hate them. I hate when they see me, and especially if we make eye contact. Because then they get all fake-cheerful and I want to tell them to leave me alone and that if I want their help, I’ll ask, thanks. *bristles* Their attitude when they talk to me is so different from regular level employees…they get all smug and self-satisfied looking, like, “I’m the best goddam example of customer service just because I TALKED TO YOU!”, whereas a regular employee has that underlying apologetic attitude because they know they’re bothering me, but they also know their smug manager is watching them and they have to talk to me because it’s their job… it’s easier to be sympathetic toward them and just listen to whatever little sales pitch they’re making because I know they’re just doing what they’re told…and I like to imagine that they know I know…but the managers–so oblivious! It’s not to be tolerated. I hope I never come off that way.

And Now, A Thing About Pokémon Go:

I forget what it was. But…my youngest sister and I have been having a good time naming all of her pokémon after serial killers, dictators, and Disney villains.

Also, My Mom:

So, they finally found something that was affecting her sinuses and migraines…a cyst, which was benign, but which they said could create more problems later on…so she opted to have it removed.
Her surgery was Tuesday, and she came home from the hospital yesterday. I went to see her today and she seems well…just tired and doesn’t want to take her pain meds because they make her more tired. Not sure when the next day I’ll get to visit will be, but hopefully she will be back up and about by next week.


Hah. My extended reflections on music will have to happen at a later time…but…I was super excited because I got Rome’s new CD this month. They wanted me to wait until later this month for The Hyperion Machine to be available on US iTunes…but that’s forever away!😦
I couldn’t do it. So I ordered it from Trisol’s web site and in doing so also rekindled Wolf’s and my debate about whether it could be useful to actually try and learn some German…

At least then I wouldn’t’ve been relying solely on translation sites to figure out what the problem was with my initial payment. But it was alright. They were cool and we got it figured out after all. And then the package finally got here and customs sat on it for a week…but they ended up sending it to me in the end.

I really like all but two of the songs, so it was a worthwhile purchase. I’ve listened to it to death during my schedule-writing shifts…

This one is my favourite so far.

Books, Too:

I’m having second thoughts about this book I got based on internet recommendations…

It’s a novel called The Wake, by Paul Kingsnorth…and I kept seeing all these good things said about it, but I opened to the first page and was like, “Omg…what’s he done?

“The Wake is a 2014 novel by British author Paul Kingsnorth Written in an ‘imaginary language’, a kind of hybrid between Old English and Modern English…”
Thanks, Wikipedia, for letting me know about that after I’ve already bought the book and therefore committed myself to reading it.

I can’t see how I missed such a distinguishing feature in the reviews I read. I feel like someone must have mentioned it…?

Well. I suppose I’ll make my way through it and hopefully it won’t be awful.
…at the other end of my reading spectrum is my preordered copy of Dracula vs. Hitler, which will arrive toward the end of the month. I’m not expecting that to be either difficult to read or to be particularly “good” literature…just something ridiculous that I can have a laugh with my sister or Thabet about. It’ll be a good counterbalance to the mental exhaustion I anticipate from reading The Wake.

Television (Surprisingly):

Omg. I started watching American Horror Story, and…just…that’s a pretty messed up show. But I like what they’ve done with every season being different as far as themes and characters…making it into an ensemble sort of thing where some of the actors play different characters or types of characters in different seasons. I’m late to the party, I know…but it’s still kind of cool.

I’ve enjoyed season 2 better and I have one episode left (which I will watch after this), and then my next TV endeavor will be to make it through season 4 of Game of Thrones, since one of my employees heard how woefully behind I was and offered to let me borrow his DVDs.

Free Food!:

So…a thing happened to me a few weeks ago which has never happened to me before. I took myself to lunch, as I do periodically when I am feeling too sad or angry and want to enjoy being by myself…I am embarrassed to admit that I went to Hofbräuhaus specifically because I wanted to listen to music with accordions though. I had this whole plan to see if they played a particular song that I heard last time, and to see if I could find out the name of it…

Sometimes I’m too weird to be tolerated, I think. (More reasons to go it alone sometimes, eh?)

I didn’t end up solving this song mystery, but a different interesting thing happened. When my server finally plunked a checkbook on the table, it was…empty.

Me: ???
Server: Our lead paid for your meal.
Me: But…why?
(Wolf me: *hiss* Don’t ask why! Just let it happen!!!)
Server: *shrug* He just said to tell you not to worry about it.
Me: Oh…wow…well…thank you. x_x”

I felt pretty good about it the rest of the day, and sort of regret my earlier assertion that I despise people in management…but…also…I am now somewhat conflicted about ever going back there by myself. Although my mom pointed out that the restaurant is in the neighborhood where I grew up, so maybe this person knew who I was? That never happens to me either, though. I don’t look much at all like I did when we lived there.

So much mystery.

Wolf points out that we have to find out that song though, and I have no idea how else to go about it…unless someone here knows of a song with a similar tune to the end credits song in the first Charlie The Unicorn cartoon…? (I doubt anyone does.) Sigh.

And now, for my update Finale…

Theatre Drama:

Omg. So, at my particular place of business within Movie Funtimes USA, each auditorium has doors that exit to the outside. They have complicated alarms and lock mechanisms, and are for emergency use ONLY.
Sometimes people go out of them after movies, which is annoying but nbd.

This time, some kids who were outside started banging on and kicking these doors so that the guests in the movies panicked and ran out of the theatre for their lives and also called the police and the news, which we didn’t know because they didn’t (mostly) stop to talk to us, and we only knew how terrified everyone was when the police arrived all set to take out an active shooter and the news stations started calling my theatre.


I realize we live in troubling times, but people are WAY too quick to report gunfire. Seriously. Calm the fuck down.

So I got to do more incident reports, which turned into emailing back and forth with our regional manager…and I guess I should be grateful because when he’s emailed me about incident reports I’ve submitted this summer, he seems to think much better of me than when he met me at the theatre and thought I was an idiot…

Thabet started joking that all of my pretend letter-writing to der Führer is working to my benefit after all. Guess so. Pbbt.😛

I have more stuff, but…this is already long. I need to find more time to update regularly, eh? (Yeah, I do.)


how I’m feeling


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Gar. I closed last night, then came home at almost 2ish and ate some food. And then woke up around 530 and couldn’t fall back asleep. And gradually felt worse and worse until I went and shut myself in the bathroom and contemplated whether I would feel better if I just threw up, and whether I wanted to feel better that badly. (Wolf me refuses to vomit. He’d rather suffer, I guess.)

Anyway, fast forward to 845ish…I finally feel like I’ve mastered the sick feeling, so I lie back down. And then remember that my alarm will go off in about a half hour to wake up so I have some time to do things before work. Ugh. Work? Nope.

So after my alarm went off, I called the theatre and talked to Mike…he said they could do without me today (I knew that), and he’d put in a sick day for me. Yay.
Spent most of the day sleeping. Didn’t get out of bed until around 3…then ate some soup and felt better, so I went to explore another park near the apartment, where I realized that our metro and state parks have a pretty significant failing: poorly made out maps.

Does anyone else ever go to a park and think, “it will be easy to follow this trail and get back to the parking lot”, and then it turns out that isn’t even slightly true? Well, I run into that a lot, it seems, and it’s annoying. It would be fine if I didn’t always have time constraints with my park visits…unlimited time to explore and not be worried about how I will get back…
But I don’t. And the maps are always impressively vague with their trail markings and distance ratios. I hate it. Like…I’m looking online at a picture of the map for this park, and it’s incomprehensible to me that I ended up where I did because the path on the map doesn’t even go there.


Oh well. Life is full of mysteries, yeah? (Too bad they’re the annoying kind.)

Still felt pretty good after I got home, so Jester and I watched some television…and…idk…just gradually, over the course of the day, I’d been feeling angrier and angrier. There’s no reason for it, of course. None at all. I feel better…I still got paid for today…I went outside and did things…we were having a nice evening…and then BAM! Rage.

I like to think pretty often that maybe I’m getting better at not being angry. But every time I start to think that, absolutely nothing happens and I find myself suddenly seething and ready to lash out at whomever happens to be at hand.

*just wants to be let alone, maybe?*

Or maybe I ought to revisit the idea that my doctor had of giving me citalopram? *makes a face*

I’m not wanting to take medication. Not at all. But supposedly it would help with anxiety (which I might have) and in reading about it, it might also settle the angry feelings…

On the other hand, it’s primarily an antidepressant, and I don’t need that. And also, because it’s an antidepressant, it carries the possibility of causing apathy and “emotional flatness”, which I also don’t think would be to my advantage. And finally…one of the biggest side effects is nausea. That I definitely don’t need. My constant feelings of nausea have dropped significantly, now that I’ve cut back on fried foods and dropped pizza out completely…and also because I’m not as stressed out (right now) by money as I was all for the last year and a half…but as last night reminded me, that can all come back in an instant, and I’d almost rather continue being anxious and angry than spend who knows how many hours with my Wolf and I debating about the merits of vomiting (or not).

I don’t know. I have no idea what to do. Considering that my mom and my sister have had negative reactions to similar medications (i.e. lots of side effects and almost no benefits), and because I’ve seen how these types of medications are affecting Jester and one of my theatre friends…it’s hard to want to take any of it myself. What if nothing happens? What if I am worse off? Because of course I haven’t really talked it over with anyone…Jester and I briefly discussed it, but not really. And the doctor wants me to see a therapist if I start taking the medication, too…

Nope. I’d rather not, thanks!
I don’t want to talk to anyone about how I feel. *gags*

I’ve moved so far beyond wanting to discuss my feelings that I can’t even imagine how to want that. At least, in non-metaphorical terms. Because of course I talk about them all the time. Or at least I hope that the things that interest me convey some sense of how I am feeling or what is happening on the inside of me.

Who knows? Who knows what I am conveying to anyone anymore. I don’t. *pause* Nothing, probably. All things are meaningless.

I keep thinking that, and I wish I wouldn’t. That X, Y or Z doesn’t matter. Because nothing matters.

Maybe we will leave off that train of thought now, yeah? No good.

Here instead is a conversation from work–

Me: Here, catch.
Thabet: *catches the candy bar* Oh, sweet! You brought me a marzipan!
Brandi: And you’re excited about this?
Me: Yeah, we’re pretty enthusiastic about some marzipan.
Brandi: Oh. Huh. I’ve never known there were people who actually enjoy it.
Thabet: What?! Marzipan’s the bomb!
Me: Except with less shrapnel.
Thabet: Yeah. It’s hard to eat with shrapnel in your teeth.
Me: Assuming you still have teeth after the explosion.
Thabet: Wow, Brandi…your eyebrows just keep going up and up.
Brandi: I’m just not sure how we went from one topic to the other.
Thabet: We’re also enthusiastic about explosions?
Me: *helpfully* I have a perfume in a bottle shaped like a hand-grenade.
Brandi: Ooooookay.
Thabet: What does that even smell like?
Me: Pepper, I think.
Thabet: Pepper?
Me: I dunno. It’s a man-perfume. *air-quotation marks* Cologne, if you will.
Thabet: That would explain it being packaged like an explosive.
Me: Because that distracts from acknowledging that it’s still perfume.
Brandi: Well, now that I know what sort of people like marzipan…

Yay, marzipan! ^_^
I also made a picture last week…because I think Jester and I had a disagreement, and I was feeling really crappy and upset…so because we weren’t busy I thought maybe I’d feel better if I used the box of crayons that keeps just sitting in the office, not being used…

Is it awesome? No. But it’s okayish and it makes me feel better to see it hanging from the shelf when I’m counting cash or doing paperwork. Except then it also ended up causing this conversation…

Thabet: *talking about one of our employees* She’s so weird.
Me: You’re so weird.
Thabet: Um, excuse me? I don’t see how you can say that.
Me: I say what I want, that’s how!
Thabet: Well, you know what? You’re weird!
Me: You have no proof.
*Blair comes into the office*
Thabet: Oh? *gestures to the picture* If you were a unicorn, you’d still have a swastika. Because you’re some Nazi-unicorn hybrid that nobody knows if they can trust!
Me: *sadly* Well…rainbows…hearts, butterflies, cookies…all the other cutie marks were taken. I had to make due with what symbols were left to convey my personality.
Blair: So, wait–why am I walking into a conversation about My Little Nazi?
Thabet: My Little Nazi?
Blair: Yeah, like the cartoon My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic…?
Thabet: Oh my god…I can see the new title–Genocide is Magic.
Me: *horrified* Woah, no. That’s not okay.
Thabet: That’s not part of your master plan?
Me: Definitely not. I like the Pegasus ponies and the regular ponies just fine. No animosity toward the non-unicorn ponies.
Thabet: So…what would even be the name of a Nazi unicorn?
Me: Oh…*considers* something like…Kommandant Sternenschein.
*Blair cracks up*
Thabet: Wait, why is that funny?
Blair: *to me* Commander Starshine? You’ve already thought about this, haven’t you?
Thabet: *aghast* You haven’t, have you?
Me: What? No! Definitely not!
Thabet: You have!
*Mike comes into the office*
Me: No! But I am thinking about potential victims for glitter bombings!
Thabet: Oh, god no. Now I’m gonna be afraid to open things.
Mike: Why are we glitter-bombing Thabet?
Blair: Oh, it’s a long story…

Yep. Ponies and being professional and getting lost at parks and also being anxious about being anxious. That sums up a big piece of my life right now.

Yay. -_-

I don’t remember…


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So, I really like to read weird tales type stories. I may have mentioned that before (frequently).

I got a few short story collections for my birthday, back in July, and I just finished the second one…but after I closed the book and was thinking back on them, I realized that I don’t actually remember most of the stories. Not really. Bits of them, maybe, but there wasn’t any particular scene or image or idea that really stuck with me.

Perhaps I’m losing my sensitivity to this genre? (No way! I love thinking about this sort of stuff…)

Perhaps it’s this particular author? But…I doubt that, too. A few of his other stories are some of the most memorable ones I’ve read in this genre.

So…I’m not sure. Maybe I can attribute it to the general feeling of still not being settled. I don’t know when to do things anymore because my habits are all disrupted…can’t just sleep most of the day and spend half the night cleaning and reading and making meaningless posts here anymore…

Some noteworthy things I have done since the last post where I said I had things to say:
– Took myself on a trip to a state park I’ve never been to. It wasn’t awful, but I don’t think I’d go again because it’s far away. Still…I was annoyed because Jester wouldn’t ask for the day off because he wanted to get holiday pay (I get it…I do), and then my sister said at the last minute that she also couldn’t go…my theatre buddy really wanted to go with me, but obviously we aren’t allowed to hang out…I was mad at the other two though, so I told him that I hadn’t told anyone else that I was going to go on my own anyway, so if I didn’t come back, he should at least let them know where to search for a body.

– Got screamed at by an angry dad who wanted to fight me about our R rated movie policy. Because for some reason, I always get the angry dads who want to bust out the macho, threatening body language and think they need to be within three inches of my face to tell me that what they do at our theatre is none of my business…
Short excerpt from our conversation:

Angry Dad: What the hell is this? Who do you think you are, exactly? You think you’re the goddamned movie police or something?
Me: Yes. For this building sir, yes I am.

I didn’t mean to be sarcastic at him, but OMGGGGGG, he was horrible. I had to submit an incident report because he was causing such a scene…one of our employees was on the verge of calling the police when he finally decided to leave…it sucked.

On the other hand, after I filled out the report, I got an email-pat-on-the-back from our regional manager (the one who I still think dislikes me). Bah.
If that’s what I have to do to make myself look better…………..not worth it. Not at all.

I think it’s time for sleep now, but maybe I’ll be back Saturday night? Maybe I’ll even be coherent? Idk.


what a terrible work week


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Well…that didn’t go quite like I’d anticipated, buuuuut having not posted about any of the things I was thinking about in my last post means I’ll still have ideas for a day when I am bored and am sitting around with a lot of extra time to kill (lol…so never, actually).

I haven’t really had much time for anything enjoyable lately…because we’re having a mass exodus of employees at Movie Funtimes USA, which means that for the last 2.5 weeks before school is back in session (which, incidentally, is the reason for all of our employees quitting…because of school), we haven’t had enough employees to cover all of the needed shifts.

That sucks for me because I write our crew schedule, and I spent a lot of time pleading and wheedling and bribing the supervisors and the other managers to work crew shifts. Just on my own, I worked three double shifts, but the worst one was this past Sunday.

I was at the theatre for just over 17 hours. And that was after a sleep of only 4 hours the night before. And to make it all even better, our popper broke down the night before, so we had no way to make our own popcorn and every manager and supervisor who was in that day had to make a trip down to another one of our locations to get popcorn from them and bring it back in giant bags…

By the end of the night, everything hurt and I was SO tired. It was probably the worst non-holiday shift I have ever worked at this theatre.
Although really the whole weekend was pretty crap, because 2 of our AC units broke down and also on Thursday night we had a midnight show of Suicide Squad that didn’t start and led to a long chain of nonsense that had us at the theatre until after 4am.

…we have this “Stars” system where our crew can earn a “star” for going above and beyond their normal duties–cleaning up poo or vomit, dealing with exceptionally angry guests, helping with other unusual circumstances, etc–and then they can trade stars for free concession items or, if they earn 50+ stars, they can request a gift card to the place of their choosing. Thabet and I gave stars to everyone who worked concession Saturday night and Sunday, and that resulted in the following conversation.

Thabet: So who are we giving stars to again?
Me: Everyone who was concession on Saturday night and Sunday.
Thabet: Dang, that’s a lot of stars.
Me: Oh, and give one to Kurt for locking the doors for us on Thursday.
Thabet: I feel like Oprah. *points* You get a star! *points* And you get a star! You all get a star!
Me: Oprah, huh?
Thabet: Yeah. You know, like how she gives away cars.
Me: Heh.
Thabet: What?
Me: I’m going to hell, that’s what.
Thabet: Why this time?
Me: Oh. Because Nazi Oprah. ‘You get a star! And you get a star! All the Jews get stars!’
Thabet: Oh my god, that’s terrible! *cracks up*
Me: Yep. *lays face down on paperwork* I’m the worst.
Thabet: Naw, you’re just tired.
Me: …do you think that if der Führer is amused, I can to earn extra sleep rations?
Thabet: Aww. I wouldn’t count on it.

On the other hand…some good news…
I went with my boss and another manager and GM from the theatre that was helping us out with popcorn, and we did a peer audit of a theatre in a different city…easiest day ever. No responsibility for floor operations, and half the day spent in the car anyway…but even this one trip has apparently helped my cred. with some of the other GMs in our market and with my boss’s boss, who has heretofore had a pretty low opinion of me.

Even though Mike is going out of his way to help me out here, that still didn’t stop him from bringing my fake theatre persona into the mix…I blame him for the portion of the car ride where the discussion turned to “origins of the swastika symbol”. Despite the above conversation, it wasn’t me this time. I swear. x_x”

Anyway…I’m gonna be gone again for a while. Waiting on my youngest sister to arrive so we can go out of town for a few days and I won’t have to think about popcorn at all.

And also…I found my earbuds while packing. And I am wearing my wrist spikes for the first time again in yeeeeeears. Woot.
*such excite!*


so many legs…


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Brandi: I knocked my phone into the trash the other night and didn’t realize it. I thought a pen fell in or something, but when I started getting my things together to go home, I couldn’t find it, so I called from the theatre and there it was–ringing trash can.
Me: At least your ringer is usually on. I’ll never find mine if I try and call it because it’s always in vibrate mode.
Blair: Same.
Me: I’ll just have to post “Lost” signs…”if you find an offensive-looking phone, please contact…”
Blair: Your phone is blue and green though. How is that offensive?
Me: Nooo. I broke that case. So I got a new one. *plunks the phone on the counter, grammar-eagle side up, and Blair and Brandi laugh*
Brandi: Where did you even get that?
Me: This website I like. I had a coupon, so it was a birthday gift to me.
Blair: A coupon? For that?
Brandi: What, like, visit heil-Hitler dot com and enter code 3REICH to claim a special offer..?
Blair: *cracking up*
Me: *faceplants on counter* Omg.

So, there’s that. Also, me trying to eat frozen pie…

Me: This fork is not living up to my expectations. *pause* Or maybe the pie is just too frozen.
Thabet: You’re eating frozen pie with a plastic fork? Yeah, that’s not gonna work out. *watches me struggle* You could always use Don’s peanut-butter knife.
Me: Heck no! Does it ever even get washed? I don’t think so. It just sits on that shelf, out in the open. In an office with house centipedes.
Thabet: Yeah. That’s true. *long pause* I bet they love that knife.
Me: Oh?
Thabet: Yeah…eating peanut butter residue…dancing complicated little tap dances…curling up with their little centipede children at night…
Me: That settles it. I can’t use the knife–not if I’d be destroying a home and displacing a family.
Thabet: Really? Where’s the old Nazi enthusiasm for destroying the lives of vermin?
Me: OMG.
Thabet: Too far?
Me: Probably.
*long pause*
Me: That and… *in a quiet, fearful voice* well…things are not like they used to be before the radiation. These days they just have so many legs… *shudder*
Thabet: *cracks up*

k is for…something, I guess


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Whew. I wanted to post something tonight…a lot of leftover thoughts rattling around in my head…

But I said to myself, “nah…let’s catch up on reading first. The next book on our list is a graphic novel, so that shouldn’t be too difficult…”

And it wasn’t, but whew…so much to look at. It’s exhausting.

*Note* I tried to spell “catch” with a K just now, and couldn’t understand why it was being marked for spelling. I’m definitely tired. My spelling and grammar functions are damaged.😦

On the bright side, I did get through book I of the graphic novel. (Yes, a two book novel! Ah!)
I’ll just have to figure out whether I want to power through part II tomorrow night, or just get through a portion of it and do something else with my time before bed.

Like emptying out some of those thoughts.
A survey of them:

– My banged-up car (which I still have not shown you)
– A thing I keep thinking when I see managers at other businesses
– A thing about Pokémon Go
– The weird progression of my musical tastes…I was asking myself again how exactly I got to where I am now with music, and it was an amusing question to try and answer. It would have a lot of pictures, if I ever get to making that a post

Maybe I should set a goal for myself, eh? None of these is a pressing matter, but I feel like I have a good deal to say about each one, and I’ve been sitting on these ideas for some time…
And there are four. I could do one a week and have them done in a month.

Maybe I can.
We’ll see.



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I have a lot of things to say today.

Or…for a few days, really. Not necessarily these specific things, but…I have felt very talkative without anyone to say the words to.

Of course, that’s why this exists. So I can speak into the void.

First though, I finished re-reading that book, Spies. And I did miss a scene on my first reading.
I must’ve stopped paying attention at the wrong time–been looking out the giant windows at planes taking off, once it was finally light enough to see. Except that the Seattle clouds made it look like they went up a little way, then disappeared because the clouds were so low. The planes never made it properly into what you would think of as “the sky”. Weird.

But I think that was how I missed the scene that explained why one thing happened and not another.

And really…without ever calling forth any tears…it’s a terribly sad book. Tragic in the classical sense of the word, where all the bad things happen because of miscommunication and characters falling prey to their personal flaws.

Second, this book had kind of led me to think a certain way about my own family…and I confess that’s not always a good thing to do…but…when I read it the first time, I felt like there were certain quirks and bizarre similarities between my family and this one…

And one of the plot devices in the book is terminal illness, and concealing it. And…I have a terrible, terrible feeling that I have had ever since the wedding. Because as far as I can recall, my dad’s health has been iffy for over half my lifetime. But my mom’s always been alright until the last year or so. And she keeps going back to the doctor for tests. And more tests. And I usually don’t find out until after the fact, or I’m told when I announce that I’m coming for a visit, and my parents text me that they’ll be out because my mom “has an appointment”, but that my sister and the dogs will be home.

Jester asked me if I really have to visit them every week. Of course I don’t. Nobody is making me go across the city to visit. But I like to. I have not had as much practice at being away from or ignoring my family as he has, given he’s been away from his for roughly 11 of the last 12 years, and I have been away from my family for less than two months. They annoy me, naturally, but I am accustomed to seeing them and their absence is strange to me. Not all sentimental and missing them, but…it seems wrong to be without them.

But–and I don’t think he realizes how much I am concerned about this–I also noted my mom’s health…and the suspicion I have and which this book has made me anxious about again that my parents might lie to me about my mom’s health. My mom wouldn’t want to give me upsetting news, and might keep saying to herself that they have to find the “right time” to tell the four of us together (and it was impossible to get my brother, sisters and I together in one place before I left) so that I don’t either end up with a phone call that happens right as I am going into work or something absurd, or, you know, finding out from my sister’s Facebook updates. Because while I could never count on anyone to be forthcoming in the family, or to communicate in a direct way, I can always count on my sister to make announcements on Facebook. Always.

Of course, nothing serious might be wrong with my mom at all. Perhaps I am worrying for nothing. Although I also note that she went to the hospital the day of our wedding rehearsal and didn’t say anything until someone asked her why she wasn’t eating at dinner and she admitted going to the emergency room and they were giving her some kind of medication or doing a test the next day and had recommended her not eating. They could have told me before then and nobody did. So of course I can’t trust them to keep me updated of their own volition, and so I must keep visiting to make sure I walk Domino and to keep updated on my mom.

I was thinking about this even more the other day when we got dinner with his parents and his mom said that one of his great aunts has cancer and isn’t probably going to live much longer…that’s not the sort of thing one announces during a dinner out. At least, I think it shouldn’t be done that way. Oh well. Enough of this…

Third, of the things that I’ve been thinking about…
This is kind of in relation to the book I was reading, too, because it’s about spying and secrets…

I did a thing at work that I thought I’d been very set against ever doing, but I hope that it was for the best.

See, when I started with the company, managers had a non-fraternization rule, and couldn’t be related to/cohabit with/date/socialize with crew members they were responsible for. Alright. That is as it should be. But at that time, the intermediate position between crew and managers was in a grey area and they could date and hang out with and supervise crew they were related to.

I always suspected that it looked bad though, so when I was a supervisor and decided Toni and I needed to be friends, we did everything we could to keep anyone else at work from knowing, which I was really entertained by…but then they made an official policy about it, and fortunately, I got moved to a different place.

Well, I tell you all this because I thought that was really terrible to split up friendships that already existed, or give people the option of quitting or a demotion…and I thought at my old theatre, that it gave a bad sort of feeling to things. You never knew who might suspect you, or who might report you. (Which, of course, was how we started in with jokes about communism and being asked to inform on your coworkers’ social circles…) And a bunch of people did get fired or demoted because of that policy.
Buuut because of the way it was rolled out, I already thought it was poorly done, and I thought to myself that there would never be a chance I’d go to my boss and inform on anyone…

But I did.

Because it’s so out of hand at my theatre that apparently everyone knows about it except for him. And I couldn’t stand it anymore. Because it’s all so ridiculous…like, I’m not sure that I can tell the whole story because it’s a bit more serious than the conversations I usually post from my coworkers, but…it involves attempted breakups and suicide threats and a crew member trying really hard to drag my theatre buddy into a bad situation via texting him nonstop while we’re trying to complete all of our closing duties…

It was too stupid to be tolerated. So I told Mike.


And now I need to sleep. And maybe tomorrow I’ll have more to say. About Pokémon Go. And all the hate-filled people on Facebook.



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Well, despite our corporate office making our jobs more difficult, today was an alright day at work. My best contribution probably being to raise moral among my officemates, via music.😛

livetransform introduced this song to me, but I didn’t know there was a music video…we had a pretty excellent laugh. ^_^
And then another, better laugh because there was a 2015 video for this song, too, and man…it’s out of control. Fireworks and dancing castles. We couldn’t even.

I was a little sad though, because I stumbled upon a version of this song that actually is about communism and not just Russia in general (and vodka, of course), but I can’t find that one. Removed for copyright infringement? Not sure.

Ultimately though…I just wanted them to suffer. Because I got to work today and sat through the end of a conference call that my boss was on about the audit for our region. And Wolf-me…he just sits in the back of my mind and keeps turning up the volume on this song…it’s the sort of thing you share with others because you know it’ll get stuck in their heads.

Me: Can you not…?
Wolf: But this is a great song.
Me: How am I supposed to know what to do to prepare for the audit?
Wolf: *unconcerned* You already know your job. *humming*
Me: Yes…
Wolf: *sings* Moskau Moskau, wirf die Gläser an die Wand–
Me: Stop that.
Wolf: *louder* Russland ist ein schönes Land / Ho ho ho ho ho, HEY!

Meanwhile, in reality…

Me: *faceplants onto desk*
Mike: Yeah, this call is boring as hell.
Me: Oh, it sure is…

Well. At least I had a good time at work later on. And then came home and felt crappy. Because one mustn’t feel crappy at work…which they keep pushing at us…don’t bring your problems to work; don’t let your feelings get in the way of serving our guests; if you can’t smile and be cheerful, you probably don’t belong here…

*gets all stabby, just thinking about it*

It’s not fair.
We have to twist and bend and even lie down on the floor to submit to our guests’ whims and make sure we treat them with individual attention and enthusiasm…but heaven help us if  any of us ever has a bad day and want to be treated like people…

(That, of course, is why no lives matter. Because nobody can ever treat anyone else with kindness. Never. Not ever.)

…I think I’m just annoyed because six of our employees quit over the last few days, and one got fired today. So now I have to hire new people to replace them, and that’s hard. So nerve-wracking. I hate turning down candidates when I can tell they tried, but just didn’t quite make it…or when they’re kids who’ve never even been to an interview before and they’re all nervous and don’t know how to answer easy questions…I hate it.

So instead of drowning my crappy feelings about work (and about Jester scolding me when I came home) in actual vodka…just…you know…songs where it appears. *listens to it 100 more times*

such excite


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My parents and Jester’s parents have spoiled me as far as birthday gifts. Not only have I replaced my broken phone case (and received the anticipated scolding from Jester because I really did get the design I posted about recently, with the grammar eagle logo…), but I’m also on my way to having purchased my entire book wish-list.

That’s exciting.
Now I just need to restrain myself and not acquire any more books for the rest of the year.
A challenge, if ever I encountered one–there’s always so much stuff that looks interesting! (Is this how television-watchers feel when they log into a streaming service? How can they possibly watch all the interesting stuff available??)

I pre-ordered Dracula vs. Hitler, too. I told my work-buddy about it and we started talking about that whole Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, and Pride and Prejudice and Zombies nonsense, and that ridiculous looking Dead Snow movie that Netflix is always trying to get me to watch…and we got really excited about the idea of this book, so I decided to order it and told him I’d loan it to him after I read it.

I was surprised to discover that he didn’t know who Vlad Tepes was. Or Elizabeth Bathory. But…there are times I have to pat Wolf-me and remind him that not everyone has done extensive reading or sat up watching shows about historical vampires and vampire myths. Fortunately, Wolf me is unembarrassed by our interests…
(To be fair, I was equally shocked when Jester didn’t know that Rarity was a My Little Pony character…but I don’t even watch that show.)

Backing up though, I am also excited because I got some new sets of command strips…those little adhesive doo-dads that one can remove from walls (and posters) without destroying them.
That means I can start transferring my posters from my parents’ house. Because I have missed Simba and Captain America and the Hogwarts castle and the Enterprise on it’s glowing background…and my sea-painting. It will be nice to have these familiar pictures back on the walls, even if I will no longer be basing whether I stayed up too late on when it is light enough for me to tell the red and blue rings apart on Cap’s shield.

Having the command strips will also force me to start unpacking those remaining boxes, because I have hanging things in them, too. Like my mirror, and the painting of the dismembered fish that Toni and I did.

…I should find a day I have off and see if she wants to go painting again. I didn’t give my paints to my sister when I moved, specifically so I’d have them if I ever found the motivation to ask her to go out with me again.

I could even try to find a better graveyard where hopefully there will be interesting stuff to look at and where she won’t remember being sad the last time we went out to one. Although I’m concerned that Pokémon Go is ruining the peace and quiet of places like public parks and graveyards…makes me wish we had year-round school where I live. (Actually, I wish for that a lot, now that I’m an adult.)

Now, of course, I’m looking up graveyards near where I live…
There are three really close by…two big ones and a little one…excellent.

Maybe I will see when she wants to get Jester’s old table from us, and she can bring her other friend and that will be a nice time. Going to a graveyard with friends and friends of friends. *pleased at the idea*

Now I just need to find the motivation to arrange it. And make plans to kidnap her if necessary so she can’t back out of it on me.

*pauses writing to spend half an hour looking for a song I heard on youtube the other day…*

And just like that, I think I’m done for now.