Day 1, 3rd year.
Time just flies, eh? I’m sure I’ll have a post for the weekend.
“There’s someone inside me that softly kills everyone around
They don’t know they’re dead to me cause intent never makes a sound”
1. Your last ex and you = didn’t exist.
2. I am listening to = Harry Potter soundtracks.
3. Maybe I should = just stop it.
4. I love = tacos. I love ‘em good!
5. Chocolate is = kind of sticky.
6. I don’t understand = why I’m still awake.
7. I have lost my respect for = some people.
8. I last ate = when I was watching the X-Files.
9. The meaning of my display name is = a long story and can be found in some previous posts.
10. God = is pretty cool.
11. “Someday = this will all make sense.
12. I will always remember = that. And that.
14. I never ever want to loose = my mind.
15. My MySpace = is not often used.
16. Tomorrow I will = get up. Do some things.
17. I get annoyed = fairly easily.
18. Parties = are not my cup of tea. Namely because I don’t drink… tea.
19. Babies = are also not my cup of tea.
20. Simple kisses = are… fairly standard?
21. Today = is the last day of summer holiday.
22. I wish = I could have gotten the 9AM class and not the 8AM one!!!!!!!!!
IS YOUR / ARE YOU…
01. Is your hair wet?
02. Is your cell phone right by you?
03. Do you miss someone?:
Maybe I do.
04. Are you wearing chap stick?:
06. Are you wearing pajamas?:
08. Are you mad?:
Hahahahahaha. Which kind?
09. Are you upset:
01. Recently done anything you regret?:
I don’t think so.
02. Have anything on your mind right now?
Of course. Most people usually do, and I’m not THAT abnormal.
03. Ever stuck gum under a desk?:
04. Ever kicked someone?:
05. Ever tripped over your own feet?
Yes… she made me really angry, you know.
07. Been mad at someone?
Q: Is there a person who is on your mind right now?:
Q: Do you have any siblings?
Q: Do you want children?
You know, I don’t know.
Q: Do you smile often?
Q: Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off?
Q: Are you a friendly person?
Q: What color shirt are you wearing?
Q: What were you doing at 2pm yesterday?
I think… I was… umm… I don’t know, actually.
Reeser: Pink is the anti-black… and it’s just as well that it’s Melody’s favourite colour and not mine.
Chris Strohmeyer: I would think white would be the anti-black, but yea, that’s just me.
Reeser: No… white’s not anti-black… it’s just the opposite of it… besides, you need white to go with black or everything would be messed up… black and white are a team.
Sleepy sleepy sleepy.
I give up on that font. It was getting all distorted in some of my posts & I had to go back and fix it and all kinds of stupid stuff… so I’m not doing it anymore. At least not for now.
I’m tired and I’ll probably go get off soon and then spend some time reading and writing things… that second one is a bit problematic though because my wrist keeps having this itchy feeling on the inside of the skin that I’ve come to associate with tendonitis flaring up. It’s a nasty feeling because I couldn’t get it to go away earlier… bleh! *shudder*
In other news… nobody has gotten back to me about my show that I requested at WXCU, nor do I know anything about what I might be doing on the management team. I’m a little anxious because I wanna know what’s going on, and I want to know right NOW!!! …but, I’ll try and calm down about it.
School makes me anxious.
Also, I wanted to tell anyone who reads this that I called RadioU on Monday and they got my info so I can maybe come by and do an audition for the street team or to be a DJ. I’ll be excited if they call me back!
You should be too. You should… pray for it, too!
I think that failure has a purpose,
and I don’t believe it’s chance if I fall.
And I know that if I ever do fall, He will catch me.
1. Where did your last kiss take place?
2. Who knows a secret or two about you?
Kerri and Mike. They’re my secret-keepers.
3. Three words to explain why you last threw up?
Sick. Subway. Chance to stay home from school.
4. Have you ever burned yourself?
Definitely not on purpose.
5. What’s crazy to you?
Umm… I don’t really know… I’d know it if I saw it though.
6. Favorite cuss word:
I don’t have a favourite one. I try not to cuss. Generally I do a good job… just don’t read that last story I started.
7. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now:
Nobody. People don’t talk about me anymore.
8. Who is your hero?
9. Would you ever be a model?
No. I’m not really a modeling type.
10. Who is the most experimental person you know?
Hahaha. Experimental in what way? I think… Stacy may be an alien… experiment.
11. Do you tell white lies?
No. They are black and purple.
12. When is your next party?
13. Who do you want to be with right now?
Don’t know. Probably by myself. It seems good.
14. How do you handle a break up?
Can’t answer, as that has never happened.
15. Your motivation for tomorrow?
16. Last person to make you laugh?
Mmm… I forget.
17. Last thing you ate?
18. Do you ever go a few days without changing your underwear?
19. Have you ever accidentally eaten an insect?
20. Do daddy long legs freak you out?
No. Those big black & brown spiders are more likely to.
21. Have you ever cleaned up someone else’s vomit?
22. Have you ever dropped food on the floor and eaten it?
23. Do you kiss your pets on the mouth?
24. Do you ever talk to the tv?
Sometimes… mostly during movies or shows I’ve seen a billion times. Harry Potter… Lord of the Rings… some Disney movies…
25. Would you ever work in a retirement home?
26. Do you believe plants have feelings?
No… but I’m not really for hurting plants much either.
27. Do you laugh at people with bowl haircuts?
28. Do you have nervous twitches?
Yes. Mostly observable in class or social situations that involve lots of people that I don’t know.
29. Are you ever purposely irritating?
Oh, of course. Usually just for the people who know me.
30. Love or lust?
What about them?
31. One best friend or 10 acquaintances?
One best friend.
32. Favorite food?
Can’t answer this.
33. Do you believe that your first love never dies?
34. What upcoming event are you excited about?
35. Current smell?
36. Do you get your nails done?
No. I shan’t.
37. Most favorite person?
Me. Not really.
38. What was the last thing you ordered at McDonald’s?
A drink, probably, since I don’t eat food from there.
39. Are you an emotional person?
No. It interfered with my occlumency. So take that, Chris… you can’t read my mind!
40. Do you like your name?
Not a whole lot.
41. What color underwear are you wearing?
Black. I’m very consistent with the colour of my clothing.
42. Do you have plans this weekend?
Maybe see Chris. Get ready for school.
43. Do you work?
No. I’m broken.
44. Do you dance naked in your room at night?
That’s a little freakish. The answer is no.
45. Why did your last relationship end?
46. What are you listening to right now?
A recording of one of my shifts at WXCU.
47. Biggest fear?
Other people knowing the real me. It’s not allowed.
48. Favorite place to be?
I like to sit by myself out on the dock at the lake sometimes at night. When I’m home though… I like my cave best.
49. Do you hate anybody?
Try hard not to.
50. Does anyone hate you?
If they do, I don’t know about it.
51. How many people do you trust fully?
52. Who is the first person you thought of this morning?
53. Where was your first sleep over?
Umm… I think it was at Emily’s house, but I’m not really sure.
54. Whose wedding were you in the first time?
Never been in one.
“I can’t believe Voldemort’s dead! You have no idea how upset I am!”
I’m just waiting around for my computer to load web pages… I’ll be ecstatic if we ever get high-speed internet. I’d almost do a happy dance or sing a little song… ‘cept for I don’t really do that kind of thing. Dialup is horrible.
In other computer-like news… I am ridding myself of floppy disks. I transferred all of my files that I had stored on floppies onto a USB drive… so yay for me. Except… there is one floppy that I know had stuff on it, but now my computer says it can’t access it because the disk isn’t formatted… how could I have put anything onto the disk if it wasn’t formatted??? Stupid floppy disk.
I found a lot of fun stuff though. My old stories and things I wrote from 8th grade through my junior year of high school (all of my senior stuff is on my laptop), and my old and horrible research papers… I didn’t read most of these, although I did look at some of my old stories. It looks like my old average was about 1-3 pages with single spaced lines, 10-point font. How short! I’ll maybe go and read through them if I ever feel like getting all nostalgic… and afterwards I may decide to bury these things so that they won’t come back and embarrass me later!
One thing that did make me really feel old and nostalgic though, was all of my old AIM and yahoo conversations.
I read through a number of these… some of them with people I knew at Ready… those ones were mostly horrible. Not only were other people horrible to me, but I was an idiot. I hate how I used to talk over instant messenger! Ugh! I would like to get hold of my 14-year-old self and shake that stupid kid until I got a clear answer of why I just had to type like that and make the sort of jokes I did.
I mean, if people didn’t much like me to begin with, I certainly didn’t help myself out much! I’m not usually too hard on myself… and if I am I’m not usually serious, but honestly… the way I would talk when I was 14! I sound like the world’s biggest loser… grr…
I don’t know… that was one thing that I didn’t much like about reading through them… but a lot of it wasn’t like that. Not even all of my Ready-Era conversations were horrible. There were some fairly nice conversations I had with random people like Joe Roe and Will… I’d actually forgotten I used to talk to Will very much, but I guess I did. Weird.
Also, I found old conversations from the Maranatha-Era… Conversations with Colin and Aaron and Rich and Kerri… some of these were very funny ^_^
Some of them though… I don’t even remember, but going back and reading them… they are kind of sad. I miss some of those people that I don’t talk with anymore… and I miss being that close to people like Colin and Melody.
Most of my IM conversations were short because they came out of AOL and I saved them all individually… but I guess I had a habit of copy/pasting my Yahoo conversations into Word documents… I have about 300 pages worth of conversations with Melody that I saved.
Those were fun to read through… not that I got through all of it, of course! I read about 30 some pages in the oldest one of the documents. Those conversations were all from 5 years ago! I even found one for August 22, 2002. Pretty far back… almost exactly 5 years.
It was kind of sad, too, reading them… I miss really having a best friend and talking to them like that. I don’t much feel like I have the same closeness with any of my friends that I had with some of the people I was close to then. Especially Melody, since she was my best friend.
I guess… going back through all of these things was kind of like—If you will forgive me for using a fictional example—if you had a pensieve, like in Harry Potter… and you had stored away a bunch of memories and forgotten to get them back… and years later you stumble across them… and BAM!
All of those funny stories about your friends come back, and some of your inside jokes, and that feeling that you would be friends forever and you could help each other through anything that might happen…
But at the same time, there you are in the present, and you know that things are different. Things just aren’t as good between you and your old friends, or you’re maybe not friends with them at all anymore… it’s horrible.
I don’t know if that’s better or worse though, than finding the memories with your enemies in them… and remembering how they used to pick on you and how you couldn’t really do much about it, and how you hated that even when you tried not to get into it with them, they’d still find a way to turn everything you said against you…
Maybe the conversations with my friends are still better, even if the memories that go with them make me sad. At least they don’t make me feel sick with anger like the conversations with my “enemies” did, even after six years of not looking at them.
Almost wish I hadn’t found them… then at least I wouldn’t be sitting here, realizing how bitter I still am about things that happened way back then. Maybe it’s best to put these memories back in my digital pensieve and forget them again, hmm?
Iono. I guess stuff like that happened every year throughout highschool—although I still think my 9th grade year was the worst. Maybe college is better because stuff like that doesn’t happen… but… on the other hand… nothing seems to happen now that I’m in college.
I can’t win.
Reeser: Reading xangas… all the dwama… it won’t let me see comments though.
Chris Strohmeyer: The good times are over!!
Reeser: Mmm… flies! ^_^
1. The phone rings, who do you want it to be?
2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?
No. My mom usually does that.
3. If you had to kiss the last person you kissed again, would you?
4. Do you take compliments well?
No… I usually don’t know how to react.
5. Do you play Sudoku?
I did one last night and my mother seemed fairly impressed with how fast I finished it.
6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness would you survive?
7. If your house were on fire, what would be the first thing you would save?
8. Who was the last person you slept in the bed with?
My sister when we were in Cincinnati for my grandpa’s funeral.
9. Who do you text the most?
10. Favorite children’s book?
Umm… I dunno… I always liked things like Anamalia and The Eleventh Hour… books where you had to look for hidden pictures and stuff.
11. If you could do it over again, start from scratch, would you?
12. Stuck in your head right now??
13. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden?
14. Where was the furthest place you traveled?
15. Do you like mustard?
16. Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
17. Do you miss anyone?
18. Can you do splits?
19. What movie do you want to see right now?
20. Do you think The Grudge was crappy?
I was a little bit disappointed in parts of it, but it still creeped me out.
21. Do you own a camera phone?
22. Was your mom a cheerleader?
I don’t remember.
23. What’s the last letter of your middle name?
24. Are you hispanic?
25. Do you like care bears?
26. What do you buy at the Movies?
27. Do you know how to play poker?
28. Do you wear your seatbelt?
29. Anything big ever happen in your CITY
Umm… nothing that really concerns me.
30. Is your hair straight or curly?
Kind of slightly wavy.
31. Is your tongue pierced?
32. Do you like Liver and Onions?
33. Do you like funny or serious people better?
34. Who is on your mind right now?
Me. Just kidding. Nobody, really.
35. Any plans 4 tonight?
The many things on my “to do” list.
36. Whats your fav. song at the moment?
Drink the Midnight Hymn by Virgin Black.
37. Do you hate chocolate?
No, but it’s not my favourite.
38. What do you and your parents fight about the most?
39. Are you a gullible person?
Not about stupid things… if it sounds fairly logical, you could convince me of something though.
40. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy?
41. If you could have any job what would it be?
42. Are you a good friend?
Depends. You should ask my friends, not me.
43. What is your favorite time of day?
Mmm… dunno. Late. Real late.
44. Are you generally a happy person?
“There is a gulf fixed between those who can sleep and those who cannot. It is one of the greatest divisions of the human race.”
Haven’t been by in a while, so I figure it’s time for another entry. It’s like talking to myself… it just doesn’t get anywhere, but it’s got to be done.
I have a few things that are moderately interesting that I shall tell you about… like my current reading. I’ve been reading two books at a time lately: one for an entertaining story and another so that I might learn something. So, over the summer I’ve been reading some things like Harry Potter (of course), and various books by Steven King… and at the same time I’ve been reading stuff like “The Science of Middle Earth” and “The Letters of J.R.R. Tolkien”. They were all fun or interesting in their own ways… and now I’ve finished those things and moved on to my next story/educational readings.
I was a little shocked at the book I started reading for “educational” purposes though… you see… my mother bought it for me when I was a first year and I did a project about dragons… and… I thought it was some guy who wanted to make an argument for mythical animals based on some kind of science that he’s involved in… and… the problem is that that IS what the authour is doing… but… it’s not current science.
That book was first published in 1886.
Yes. You may be able to imagine my disbelief.
So, I’m reading my old-timey science book and the “Poetic Edda”—a collection of Norse legends that are of interest to me because of their relation to LOTR and because I’m taking a class this fall that is supposed to deal with mythology, so if I already know a little about some of the material we might cover, then good for me. I question why I put that in as a book for “entertainment”, but that’s what I did.
And for good measure I have “Weird Michigan” thrown in there so that I can catch up on all of the fun folk tales and urban legends about my favourite vacation state.
But in other news, I’m a little sad because summer is drawing to a close. This means long hours in classes and sitting around at school. Late nights of writing papers and commercials and reading things I don’t care about… early mornings where I will get up solely for the purpose of spending 50 minutes learning about rocks. Getting snacks from vending machines that steal my money, or less than appetizing meals from the MDR that I can either take by myself or, if I’m lucky, with a friend or acquaintance.
And of course the warm hours of daylight will be gone as well… I’ll actually be utilizing the little heat and light that I get out of my candle collection so that I’m less miserable during those hours in my cave…
I’m not looking forward to it.
And I suppose I’ll eventually get around to my writing stuff that I so desperately need to catch up with.
I did surprisingly a lot of it while we were in Michigan this last time. Problem is that it’s all stuff you’ll never see… I have an outline of things I need to cover in my personal journals and I was working hard on that… plus this other thing I wrote and took up 41 pages on… made my wrist hurt on and off while I was writing it, since it was all handwritten pages… but I finished it and I’m proud of myself.
Anyway, since I’ve been out of class since May 1st, I’ve had time enough that not everything is doom and gloom… so maybe I’ll actually do what I always intend to do and give you some summer highlights in my next entry? That sounds good… now… if I can just get myself to actually DO it…
Chris Strohmeyer: Kelly has turned evil!
Chris: With the ability to control lightning with her evil laughter! Useful, but not too practical…
The “Had To” section
1. If you HAD to get a tattoo,
where would you want it?
Back of my shoulder.
2. If you HAD to dye your hair
which color would you choose?
Umm… dunno… let’s go with red, so I can copy off
my big sister!
3. If you HAD to get a piercing (THAT ISN’T YOUR EARS) what would
Erm… eyebrow? Really I don’t ever ever want a piercing or tattoo…
you HAD to change your name…what new name would you choose?
“Would You?” section
1. If you could go bungee jumping, would you?
Would you move somewhere else, if you could?
3. If you were given the chance
to go to Paris, would you go?
Umm… maybe if it was free.
4. If you found 10
million dollars, and it was YOURS to spend, what would you do with it?
college, give to RadioU, buy the house so we could move to Gport…
“Let’s Say” Questions
1. Let’s say you see a big ship sink…only 3
people have a chance to survive. The 3 people are Your Best Friend, Your
Boyfriend/Girlfriend, and a long lost friend (that you don’t know too
well)…who would you save if you HAD to choose ONLY 1 person?
I couldn’t choose
between Melody and Chris. I’d say… I’d trade places with one of them so they’d
both survive and I’d go down with the ship.
2. Let’s say you became
President…what is the first thing you would do?
Find out who voted for me.
Lets say you had to eat a live tarantula for $1,000..would you?
4. Let’s say
you could star in any movie (made or in the works) what movie?
The “Favorites” section
2. Current song?
the Midnight Hymn—Virgin Black
3. Shirt you own?
My Gir tank.
Umm… that’s hard… I like a lot of movies…Nightmare Before
That’s so hard… I don’t know. I like too many books.
My vans, since I wear them most & they don’t hurt my feets.
I have green flip flops…
9. Hair color?
10. Eye color?
I don’t know.
The “other stuff”section
1. What makes your bedroom
The red and blackness of it? That it’s dark and cold and more like a
cave than anyone else’s room I’ve ever seen? It is my cave though…
do you like?
3. Do you go to parties?
Not really. I’m not much of a
4. What’s your favorite season of the year?
bothering you now?
It would take pages and pages…
6. What’s the last movie you
Ratatouille. I’ve avoided venturing out into the living room in evening
lately… Harry Potter marathon time again, you know…
—not been up to a whole lot
lately, although I’ve had some adventures in writing again. So much so that I
seem to be making my wrist hurt. I’m even wearing my wrist brace as I type
this, and what fun it is. (ha)
At least I’ve become
slightly more proficient at typing with two hands and in such a way that I
don’t move my wrist quite as much as I would have done… it’s still far from
perfect and makes me glad you can’t see me typing this because I’d just
embarrass myself… yeah.
Hmm… what do I have to tell
I dunno… I guess… what I’m
just dying to say must be this:
If I call and text and
message you, don’t you dare blow me off or act like you didn’t get my messages
because I’ll know you did and I’ll know you just aren’t saying anything back. I
don’t really care why you might do this sort of thing (if ever you do), but
seriously… don’t you dare do it. Not after I’ve told you that I’ve found it
particularly painful when other people have done it.
If you’re my friend (as
opposed to family or acquaintance or what have you), then usually I suppose you
could count on me to be generally an okay sort of person with a slightly ill
tempered streak… but if you really would like to blow up that streak until it
becomes a more genuine anger and unpleasantness that shouldn’t be expressed to
friends… then by all means, ignore my efforts to talk with you… not that you’d
be likely to see me get angry… I would almost rather die than ever let you know
I was angry, which is why you probably won’t see this post… but like this post,
the anger would still be there… you just go on and keep ignoring me…
I like talking about myself
in terms of being a dog… and I think I will do it again.
I’m not always good about
keeping in touch with my friends, but I am VERY painfully attached to them all.
You could kind of think of me as a loveable stray. Maybe I’m not always in the
neighborhood, but when I am around I really probably do want to see you and I
feel very let down when I trot up to your door and you don’t answer.
This post is the point at
which I’m sort of starting to scratch the door and whine a little, hoping
you’ll hear it… but I don’t know what else to do. I’m a smart dog, but I never
know what to do when my humans won’t come out to see me. Likely… what I’ll probably
do is sulk on the porch for a while and then trot off to whatever other
activities seem to need my attention… but I won’t forget that you didn’t answer
I won’t forget it and next
time I come sniffing around—even if I see you next time—I’ll wonder why you
didn’t come around the last time. I’ll wonder if it’s my fault…
And, I suppose that if it
goes on long enough, what with me coming by and continually not being answered,
my doggy self might still act glad to see you the next time you’re around…
maybe offer up an apologetic whimper just to make sure you’ll still scratch my
ears and tell me I’m a good dog… make sure that you don’t hate me… but
secretly, I’ll be baring my teeth at you when your back is turned, wondering if
I made a poor choice in humans again…
But, at least there’s this.
Even if I did make a poor
choice in humans, it would take a lot to make me give them up. Just keep
ignoring me and I guess I’ll stop coming back eventually and there won’t be
anything I can do about it… but at the same time, I suppose that if you ever
still needed me for anything… I’d still be that loyal idiot dog and come
running back to help you.
I hate being me.
In your dense black eyes
I see your silent grief
UNDER A SERENE SKY
EARTH COVERS YOUR GENTLEFORM
IN VERDANT FIELDS
SOUL IS REFT OF BODY
TO MY HEAD I RAISE A WREATH
OF WHITE FLOWERS, AND CRY
MY MOURNFUL VALEDICTION
I DRINK DEEP INTO YOUR SOUL
KILLED WITH HATE
YOU DIED WITH LOVE
THE CRY OF MY HEART
THE CRY OF MY SOUL
YOUR FACE THE GRAVE WILLCHANGE
YOUR BLOOD POURED,
LIKE YOUR SAVIOR’S
I DRINK THE MIDNIGHT HYMN
Yes, I think that’s myfavoirite song by Virgin Black. It sounds a bit morbid, I know… but I like thesound of the actual song, and the lyrics seem to compliment another of myfavourite songs—“I Have Seen Where It Grows”, by Demon Hunter. I won’t post thelyrics to that in this entry though, so if you want them you’ll have to go andask Google.
In other news, I’ve changedthings up again. Decided green wasn’t really my thing… black and white is muchbetter for me.
That’s all the changes fornow though. It looks like my search for the font I want isn’t getting anywhere.This one is so very close to what I’m looking for… but not quite there. So,I’ll be using it yet again. Maybe one of these days I’ll come across this fonton the interweb and then I’ll be able to download it and whatnot… but untilthen… (sorry to anyone who doesn’t have my current font on their compy &therefore cannot see this properly…).
Tomorrow I’ll be going backto Michigan, which I may have already told you… I forget. And since I’ll bethere, I have no idea when I’ll post again or if I will—while I’m there, Imean.
I’m a little sad because Isuppose we won’t get to go and do some of the things I want to do since we’vealready done them once this summer… like going to the deer ranch. I loves thedeers… especially the white and pink ones. They’re pretty. I was feeding one ofthem last time we went, and she decided I was salty or something and that she’drather wash me than eat the saltine crackers we had It was kind ofentertaining, especially when I was messing with the deer and holding onto herhead, trying to annoy her like I annoy my cat sometimes (I got your face,Timmy!). I must have been saltier than I would have thought, because even whenI was messing with her, she just kept washing my arm… I was amused.
Deer aren’t very softthough… and after petting her a while, it’s amazing how filthy my hands looked.If she had all that dirt on her and still looked white, I wonder howmuch whiter she would be if she was clean >.<
Yeah. I like the deer ranch.
But, even if we don’t gothere, I hope we’ll still go to the sand dune and actually be able to walk somewhereon it. I hate that we really just never seem to get anywhere, and I’ll be gladif I can ever drive myself and go on vacation without my family. Then I’llactually get to walk over the dune to the lake, since the only way I’ll ever beable to do it is if I’m with myself… bah.
Then classes start the 27th.I’m thrilled…
Don’t wanna go… write morestuffs that I don’t much care about… stupidness… eating school food by myself…bleh.
The only thing I’m remotelyexcited for is that I might get to do the metal shopw for WXCU. I want to dothe show so very, very much!!!
But, gotta wait until I hearback from Patrick or Dr. Baggerman. I hope they let me do the show…
That’s it for now, kids.
Mike Bowler: Es muy cómico.
Reeser: Your face is.