Ever have one of those days where you just feel like everything you do is stupid and you can point out a hundred times during the day where you made yourself look like an idiot?
Yeah, well… those kinds of days just need to leave me alone because, one, they make me feel really low and I don’t like it very much… and two, they make me really unpleasant to be around, and that in turn just makes me look even MORE like an idiot.
I growl a lot when I’m in one of those moods. Not even joking. I really growl.
The rest of my family all mutter quietly, but I growl.
It kind of feels good to make that noise, so that makes me feel a little better.
It’s like this really rumbly feeling down in my throat… I kind of like hearing myself make that sound. I know I probably sound ridiculous, but it does make me feel better some.
Plus, it gets me away from using swears. I use swears in my stories and poems sometimes, but those are always very deliberate… instead of blurting out swears left and right just because I’m in a bad mood.
Too bad growling makes me feel kind of like an idiot at the same time… since that’s exactly the feeling I’m trying to rid myself of.
I notice that I talk in “voices” more often when I’m either really in a bad mood or when I’m really pleased… if I’m pleased, usually I do the squeaky cartoon voice… since it kind of makes me feel cartoony and happy… or I’ll do the tiny little kid voice a lot…
Then I have my really “bitter-at-the-world” voice… that has a sort of lisp… kind of… ah… like a version of the stereotypical “gay” voice.
It’s kind of ironic the bitter voice has the lisp sound, because if I talk fast then I sometimes have trouble getting out words with a lot of “s”, “sh” and “ch” sounds… and when I’m feeling bitter I tend to talk fast, especially in that voice… and it makes it even harder for me to get my words out, which really annoys me… so really this voice is just compounding the problem it’s trying to express…
It’s a very unhappy voice… complains about everything… I talked to Chris in that voice today. Quite a bit, really.
Poor, unhappy voice.
Then there are my silly, drawling voice and my British voice… that are usually just for when I’m messing around… and there are all the degrees of my normal voice…
- The voice I have when I haven’t spoken in a few hours or that I have when I’m contributing in class. This one is froggy and/or stupidly higher than usual.
- The voice I have when I go to talk with a professor or another student or somebody whom I haven’t met before… that voice is an awkward idiot and needs reassigned to a different part of my life. It tends to be higher when it’s talking to a professor or I’m on the phone, and lower when it’s a student or someone else.
- The voice I have when I talk on the radio. This voice tends to be both lower overall, and higher pitched on certain syllables… almost to the point where it sounds like a “scratch” in my voice.
- The voice I have when I talk to Kerri or Melody… it’s related to my radio voice.
- My sulky voice… not the bitter one, but the sulky one. This one tends to be higher and whiney.
- The “I’m-trying-to-sound-grown-up-and-like-I-know-something” voice. This one tends to sound pretty even… it tries really hard, anyway.
- The… I’m really angry and you’d better just stop talking to me because I am very NOT in the mood… this one is lower when I’m really really angry, and sometimes gets higher depending on the intensity of the argument.
- And my most-used voice, which has two modes… generic mode, and lower mode.
Of course, this is just how everything sounds inside my head, so it may not be as accurate in describing what everyone else is hearing… but there it is. The many voices of Reeser.
I love that I don’t know what my usual voice is unless I really think about it. The more expressive voices and modes are much more interesting, I think.
I think I’m going to go to sleep now and try to stop feeling sulky and annoyed and bitter about everything. After all, the worst part about these different “voices” is that if I talk in one for too long, it gets stuck for a bit and I have to make myself remember to not use the voice again the next time I open my mouth.
I’d hate to get stuck in my sulky voice or in the bitter one. That would be a nightmare… to open my mouth and have one of those voices come out at the wrong time.
Yeah… going to sleep now.
So I can have nightmares about accidentally using the wrong voices at the wrong times. Great.
(Everyone leaves except Gandalf, and just as he turns around he spies none other than Saruman sitting in a wheelchair, his leg in a cast, waving his staff around)
Saruman: Now I have you!
Saruman: Ah, you are speechless with fear!
Gandalf: Are you serious?
Saruman: Now you die!
(In his wheelchair he charges towards Gandalf, who nimbly steps aside, allowing Saruman to crash headfirst into the wall)
[excerpt from “The Quest for the Pizza Ring of Power]