I am troubled. I think I tricked myself into hoping that Wolf had given up on something, since he disappeared into the background for a while…but I know better. Or…I should have known better. I just didn’t expect what happened today.
Yes, I’ve been dull and spent time cleaning and sorting and taking care of pets and doing laundry…but…in that mental forest where I do my thinking, there was a crackling footstep in the dried leaves, and Wolf came striding through the still-dormant underbrush. His arms were laden with I knew not what, and his coat was blacker…either symbolically, or because he was covered in filth (it happens sometimes), and…he had the most accusatory look in his eye when he threw the things down in the leaves.
What were they? A knobby club, a collection of women’s bones and hair, and glitzy, magpie-attracting trinkets. And, without words, he demands to know if he’s required to accept these things that aren’t even good enough for scavengers.
I don’t know what to do with him. I mean, I see his point…but at the same time, I don’t know what to tell him. Yes and no. He already knows that we can dispense with the trinkets. The club? I don’t know what to have us do about that. It’s certainly unacceptable, but the best I can tell him is to watch for it and if anyone tries to swing it at us, I may grant him permission to remove their limbs.
The dead things bother me. Possibly because he’s trying to make a deal with me about them…promising that if I can only introduce him to some living specimens, he’ll be reasonable about it. But he refuses to meet anything that he had predetermined to be dead, and I guess I can’t blame him for that.
I’d like to believe him, however, that he’d be mollified if I could do what he’s asked me to, but I don’t know if it’s in my power to bring about said meetings…and there he is with his blackened muzzle against my cheek and his neck against my neck, thinking all these thoughts right alongside me…
This is hard. How do I go about doing things I wouldn’t do, in front of people who know me and know I wouldn’t do them, and do it unnoticed?
It’s not even because it’s Wolf asking me to do something that it’s difficult…it’s because he’s asking me to do something for him in order to prevent him from exploding with rage…
It’s like…the thing that sent him wandering off for a while isn’t the most important thing to him after all. It’s deeper than that, which is still a little shocking to me, but I guess…I am apparently sincere in even my darkest personifications.