I’m so tired. I don’t know why. Just been tired the last few days. Don’t want to wake up when I know I should. Feel like if I sit down in the office at work, I may nod off. Same as on the drive to and from work (fortunately I have not driven myself the last few days). Haven’t been online much, so I haven’t been staying up doing dumb stuff when I get home at 2 and 3 am, and I’ve even been getting between 8-11 hours of sleep on all but one of the last few nights.
And I’m still so, so tired…
I keep getting weird feelings about a bunch of things, too. Like that I’m split between multiple times. Part of me is in the present, and parts of me are stuck in various pasts. Naturally, they choose the worst and best two to be stuck in, so I get to go around acting normal, but secretly, occasionally, momentarily I am seriously muddled up as to what year it is.
That’s just one among several weird feelings though, including one I had about a guest the other day. He is an old man and always goes to movies by himself. I think I see him at least once or twice a week, and I saw him sitting in the hallway the other day, and I had something I was supposed to be doing, but I had this overwhelming feeling that I needed to go say hello and be nice to him. I wasn’t going to do it, but then I got worried and kept thinking, “what if this old man dies and never comes back so you can be nice to him some other time?” And I decided that if that ever happened, I would never know anyway, so I let my paranoid, irrational thoughts win and I stopped in the middle of whatever pointless mission I was on and went to talk to the old man for a few minutes. About horror films, of all things.
I will probably not be able to see him at work and not go say hello now, just because I still have this bizarre feeling like I need to be nice to this particular old man, just in case I never see him again.
I had a lot of things I wanted to say, but now that I’m writing I realise they’re only halves of things, and not actual, whole things that I could tell you.
I just wish I knew where and when I am, and that I didn’t keep feeling like I know things that I have no way of knowing.