Day 23 — Ten things you’d like to say to ten different people, without using names
Hm. These are difficult sometimes. Mostly because I don’t usually have ten people I really have things to say to. And because since I can’t use names, I feel compelled to say things in such a way that the people who know me well and read this (i.e. Jester and my mom) won’t really know who I’m talking to. Or maybe they will. Idk. Anyway…
1. So. I feel bad. I wished very much that I could help you, but I know that’s sort of out of my control. Like, completely. But even though you seem to be coping alright, I’d like you to know that I’m keeping an eye on you. Even though I don’t think you’d really want my help, or that I’d be able to do much anyway…but yeah…either I have some sort of bizarre guilt about not helping people, or I really do count you as a friend of mine. Take your pick.
2. You. I don’t even know how I feel about you right now. See, I’d thought you were cool, but…see…I heard something about you that I don’t know how to take. Especially after you thought you knew what you were doing when you decided to talk to my Wolf. How dare you talk to him and then let me hear this about you. It had better never happen again.
3. Again, I feel bad. See, I think I hate you. It’s not really your fault…but you know how I feel divided on a lot of things? (You don’t.) Well, this is one of those things. Rationally, I know you never did anything to me. But that doesn’t quiet the dark voice inside me that believes you took something that should belong to it.
4. You should probably not say things like that to me. I don’t really find them funny at the time, but they pop into my head later and I start laughing at odd moments…I don’t think I’d be able to explain those laughs to anyone though, so my hope is that nobody will ask me about it. They can just think I’m a crazy instead. Probably true, anyway. 😛
5. Omg. I questioned before whether you really knew me that well because you were always pushing me to not be what I am…but…I was wrong. You know. My mind has been duly blown. I should tell you about it. Soon, hopefully.
6. You don’t know how awesome you are. It’s hard for me to call you a best, sometimes…but you should know I’ve loved you the longest. I’m glad you called.
7. Erm…I don’t know how to put this exactly, but please don’t look at me? Like, it’s not that I’m saying you’re being creepy or anything like that…I’m just a little weirded out that all the time when there’s no reason for it, I keep making eye contact with you. And then I feel like you expect me to say something, so I do…and I feel like lots of really dumb things are being said by me (oh snap, passive sentence!) because of this.
8. Ugh. I don’t know what to doooooooooooooo! D:
9. How can I make you talk to me? Hm. This would be easier if I liked talking to people, but I don’t…and even when I try, I can’t seem to find a connection with you. Guess I’ll just have to keep looking for it…
10. You keep getting dumber. Keep it up and I will just tie you up and lock you in a room someplace where I can bring you small meals and water and keep you reasonably safe from the rest of the world.
Goodnight, rest of world.