2012 arrived and I was at work. The most exciting thing that happened is that my manager’s cell phone started beeping with text messages at midnight.
Super funtimes were had by all Reesers, as you can probably tell. 😛
I was thinking back over the year and drew up some old posts…and apparently I had made some goals (I never do this) for 2011. Here they are:
1. Make between 3 and 5 publications.
2. Find a full-time job.
3. Get my driver’s license.
4. Visit K and Melody.
5. Make new friends and hang out with my local, current friends more.
6. Start recording IDs and sweepers for Mike’s show (must talk to him about this again…)
7. Spend time with Jester.
8. Paint more.
1. I made three, but two of those were for the same magazine. I tried for five though, and one responded sheepishly that I didn’t qualify and they hadn’t bothered to put up instructions for who did qualify. The other just never responded to me and has still failed to send my hard copy of the last issue, even though it is sitting on a desk somewhere with my name on it. Dummies.
2. Accomplished. More or less. I get roughly 40 hours most weeks.
4. Accomplished. Except that I feel it could have gone better. I could have spent more than three hours with Melody.
5. Almost total failure. I hung out with Jesse and some of his friends at times, but I never see anyone who I used to be friends with anymore.
6. Failure, but that’s because Mike quit the show. With good reason.
7. Success. 🙂
8. Not very successful, since I only finished that one for K and Jon, and have only managed to apply two colours to Jodie’s painting so far.
Overall, this is what I remember from the year.
Started the new year with a sinus infection. Was extremely agitated most of the time, and for a while, my fondest wish was to drive out to someplace I’d never been and burn it down. That did not happen, but I thought about it a lot. Had an idea for a poem that I’ve been turning over in my mind ever since. I tried it out a few times with mostly no results, although I did eventually (March?) end up with a poem that’s got vague references to Medieval demon summoning rituals. It was supposed to be about Red Riding Hood, so, yeah…superfail. Of course, I was starting to suspect that my poems were suffering anyway, because I didn’t know anymore what I should write about. Still working on that one. I tried to take up the guitar again, but to no avail. Jesse and I did go hang out with my friend, John, and that was fun. John and I always say we should get together again sometime, but that hasn’t happened.
I had my epic dream about being the Nutcracker Prince and saving Christmas. Jesse likes Shakespeare and Japanese steakhouse, so we went to a play and dinner for Valentine’s Day. Best Valentine’s Day I remember ever having. ^_^
I tried more poems that month and did a lot of reading. Wrote some good posts all between this month and May. Had a terrible time sleeping all that month.
“I thought about the so-sad songs I would listen to with my head down on the table in the study areas at my university, and know I needed to be reading but I could not and I could not write because I’d written so much that I’d damaged my wrist, and I thought about the so-flamboyant ones that picked me up and brushed me off and assured me that being dead was fabulous; I was just doing it wrong.”
Was bored at work a lot. I was not prepared for what the slow business season was like in a movie theatre. I was feverish a lot in March, and eventually wound up getting some kind of evil sickness that I thought was strep throat, but I don’t really know since the strep tests came back negative. It was awful though. Giant yellow growths all over my throat…
I bought a purple stuffed unicorn and carried it all around the mall, and also got another poem into that online magazine that likes me so well. Helped K plan wedding things (as much as one can help from two states away) and hoped I’d been a good enough friend to warrant all the trouble her family was going to so that I could be imported for the big day.
“I was, I confess, seriously fascinated by the thought that, since deer are stupid and run out in front of moving objects (like cars), if you took two stupid deer and they were running at an equal speed and were going to cross the same spot at the same time, would each deer expect the other to give way so that they would crash into each other?”
Our theatre introduced a new membership program, which has kind of been pretty nerve-wracking for me ever since it happened…first because they didn’t explain it well and told me I’d get fired if I didn’t sell them (which I mistakenly took to mean “if people didn’t buy them”), then because of being threatened with secret shoppers, and now because I have to constantly remind the crew to keep pitching them, or linger near the registers so that they’ll do it just because I’m nearby…ugh. We also had a fire at work and one of the local news teams said our popper exploded. Um, no?
Went to a concert with Jesse for the band Cold. Don’t remember a lot of it, except I am pretty sure I ended up wearing my winter coat in a mosh pit. Not one of my best thought out moments. Started reading Blueeyedboy, a book by Joanne Harris. Definitely one of the best new (to me) books I’ve read in a while. Discovered that the Xanga-related book, Project X, was not going to happen after all, since the editor had a falling out with the head of the press company and also apparently tried to kill himself. I learned all this after the fact and couldn’t get the guy from the press company to explain what was going on…apparently everyone in the publishing world is a jerk.
Spent a lot of time that month feeling either super depressed or like I was going slightly mad. It was grueling.
Had some unpleasant, rage-inducing dreams about Jesse’s family having me over for visits and then finding errands for him to run, and while he was gone, telling me that I needed to break up with him because he’d be better off without me. Forget if I told him about these dreams. I think I did, but idk. o.O
Went to Memphis for K’s wedding, and did my very best to be a good best friend. I think I was successful. I had a good time, but I do still feel odd about the bachelor/bachelorette party because she refused to drink unless I did…I never figured that one out.
I saw Melody, too, and that was nice, even if it was only about three hours that I got to visit with her. Not that she didn’t perplex me as well. Why on earth hang onto your legal documents for months and months and not ask someone who lives with you to explain them? Why wait and ask me? Ugh…
I don’t have a lot to say for June. I remember I went for lots of walks by myself,since it was kind of a pain to always take the dogs, and Jester’s knee was increasingly bothering him. I also learned that my fake British accent should be used with caution, since on one hand I got people to buy memberships from me when I used it, but I also had a handful of decent looking women announce that they would make out with me. That was not what I was going for. Think this was also the month I went to a baseball game with Jester, which is only the second game I’ve ever been to in my life…and although I’m not much of a sportsfan, I’m also pretty sure this is my least favourite of all.
“I was reading and looking for a piece of candy, and I found a plastic bag in a drawer with an unopened pack of Big Red gum inside it. I’ve had that gum for three years and never opened it. I didn’t even want it to begin with. I was just waiting for my plane and I bought it so I would not think of you.”
Jester and my mum had an issue with each other that I am sure they have not spoken about, and am not sure they’ve forgiven each other for. It was very upsetting to me at the time (and continues to be, although I have about given up on discussing it with either of them), and since I still hadn’t mastered the agitation I started the year with, my managers and co workers and even guests spent days asking me if I was okay. I was duly embarrassed…although one guest was very kind to me and he and his family said a little prayer for me. I could have cried.
I went to Cedar Point for my birthday, and that was a good time. Saw some fireworks for the 4th, too, which was nice since I hadn’t actually gone out and seen fireworks on purpose in yeeeeeeears. I also got my hair cut short & dyed black…and I can’t recall who, but I remember someone asking me if I was going to start cross dressing. Somehow this sort of mockery still gets to me. Only a little, but it’s enough…
The last HP movie came out and it was awesomely busy at our theatre…that’s what a movie premier should be like. Most aren’t even close.
Also went with my sister and some of her friends to see a band called Harry and The Potters. It was bizarre. A pop punk band playing at the library? A half dozen Snapes in the audience? Whaaaaaa…? :O
Started having dreams a lot where I was following Jesse and trying to talk to him, and he would just walk away from me or tell me he hated me. I haven’t dreamt this in a while now, but it puzzled me. I never dream about that sort of thing. I also got promoted to a supervisory position at the theatre, and I’m still surprised that it happened, but that’s just me. I think I walked around the mall and talked to K on the phone for three hours one day…we almost never talk on the phone because she doesn’t like to, but I was glad she did anyway. I don’t get to see her often enough for us to have these conversations.
“You know how it is when you realise that chief among your irrational thoughts/feelings/behaviours is the knowledge that you love someone more than almost anything and you hate the absurdity of your loving them, and you hate that you cannot know now if they know or care that you feel that way, and you hate that when you could have said it, you did not dare. And now you can’t because really, what purpose would it serve? After you’ve spent so much time carefully acting like you did not care and hoping that by conditioning yourself to act in this way, your feelings would follow suit…”
Not much happening in September. I saw part of my extended family because my dad’s side decided to start having mini reunion lunches every few months. It was good to see them. On the other hand, I went around in a lot of pain during this month because I pinched something in my back. It was horrible, and when I’d start to think it was better, I’d end up re-pinching it…I almost went to the doctor about it, but I finally got better and stayed that way.
I won a poetry contest and they gave me a gift certificate. It was a terrible poem and I’m sort of ashamed of it…but moneys is nice to have. Went to a hockey game, and that was okay. Saw a Voltaire show and that was fun…feel like I’ve been to extremely few concerts in the last two or three years. Hm. Also went to Seattle, which I’d never been to before. K and I went to the aquarium and broke her car mirror, Jon and I visited one of my company’s theatres and saw Paranormal Activity 3 (blegh), and K and I went hiking. It was really pretty, but the altitude was apparently making me hallucinate. I was looking out into the trees and realised they were moving away from me…but I wasn’t moving. It was weird. I went to work dressed as a vampire on Halloween. Fun times.
This was kind of a sad month for us because our old kitty, Timmy, died. We’d had him for about twelve years. 😦
Twilight made me insane because we were so busy and so under-scheduled during the first few days that the film came out. It was all kinds of annoying. And sometime during this month I also experienced a resurgence of my destructive, angry feelings, which really upset Jesse and which I felt terrible for…but lucky for me he still seems to love me.
Not much to say here. I feel like all I really did last month was sleep and work. I went to the zoo with my sister one day, and that was fun, even if I did regret letting her make me go shopping with her. I had a really good Christmas and think that I managed to appease everyone who wanted me to spend time with them, which is all that I was really worried about…and at some point in December, I wound up listening obsessively to a zydeco album called Finisterre. I haven’t really been able to stop listening to it even in this new year…but if that’s the most insanity I have for a while, I am okay with that.
I spent way too much of the earlier part of last year feeling sick or like I was going crazy, and I can do without that in 2012.
Cheers for now.