Methinks I must talk to K again. I have one of those theories that I have sometimes and can really only tell her about because she already knows the groundwork for it…but…I read something today and I wonder if it’s true…it can’t be…but there has to be something to it. If there were, it would explain a number of things people have said to me and still say to me.
I should not be allowed.
It wasn’t something I thought about until they said they wanted to take us out. And I would have…but…I don’t know. I shouldn’t be allowed to be around people once I start feeling responsible for them. Then I stop being their friend and think only on how to keep them safe from themselves. I’m glad K and I talked for hours after their party…I had got into that mindset about her, and I hate to think I might’ve gotten stuck there if we hadn’t talked and she reminded me that we are friends. And I’m glad I don’t try to look after Maggio.
But her…I care too much for us to be friends, and I am concerned that this sort of thing could have happened again, except on a smaller scale…
I just want K to tell me that what I’m saying makes sense, even if it is all in my head.
I don’t know…maybe I should stop being so terrified of trying to make friends.
I need to see people more often. Have to.