Well. That was about two and a half hours of unanticipated phone time.
I don’t know how to feel about this. Anger, of course. I mean…I love her. She shouldn’t be treated that way. But, I’ve felt that for a long time, for all the good it’s done anyone.
At least she needed to talk for so long that I am too tired now to waste energy on writing anything terrible. I just want things to be okay, mostly…it’s what I usually want. I just wish I could do something. I’m dissatisfied with knowing all I can do is so patiently listen and sometimes make a small comment…which is better, I guess, than the beginning of our conversation, where all I was saying was what again and again with increasing ferocity. I’m sure the crackling of flames could be heard. I know I felt them.
She says she couldn’t bring herself to hate, and I am proud of her; she’s too good to hate anyone.
But I can do it.
I thought I was done with that hate, but I was mistaken.
And if I hear anything EVER again that carries the faintest trace of a threat…I’m sorry, but I can’t just sit tight and listen patiently if that happens. I refuse.
And in spite of all my ill will…I wanted it to end well.