Instead of feeding my anger, today I milled around at work and had a fun conversation, in which we asked ourselves if Smaug was on facebook and could possibly be persuaded to burn a house down for me. Someone even offered to cough up a princess so I would have something to bargain with…although that led to an ethical debate on whether or not one should offer up princesses in payment to dragon hitmen, and the question of how we were going to acquire a princess in the first place, since they admitted that they didn’t actually have one on hand.

I feel like I could not be included in that quest. We would find, I’m sure, that the princess is in another castle.

Or that she’s someone I know.
That’s the kind of thing that would happen to me.

And in an unrelated misadventure, he and I found someone’s list of things to do…which included purchasing slip resistant shoes and scheduling an appointment with a psychiatrist. We weren’t sure what to make of that, but it was very uncomfortable to return the notepad, knowing this person knew we had looked over it (how else were we to determine its owner?).

I like having conversations.
Except…we talked yesterday about the movie. I was trying to not remember that I did, but when I was watching it…I felt horrible. Not only because of my miniature meltdown the day prior, where I was sent home crying, even though I’d been taken outside for a long time…but because that’s how I know her.

I haven’t thought about it in ages, but while I was at the movie, I couldn’t help but think of all the things I learned to say, and about those people that I knew so briefly…and all the ones I still know….thought about how I was in Elfy’s wedding, and the first conversation I really had with her was when I was sick at home, and in our game, was eating dandelions and talking nonsense…and that Ranger and Pearl are married and have children…first time I remember talking to them was when we were talking about food for quests and somehow wound up placing a ridiculously large order at a McMordor…and that despite the conversation I had with Aragorn that outraged him and that he shared with everyone in our circle and used as a reason to beat my character senseless, Melody has been my friend all this time.

I only got to know any them because I was that amusing elf who carried hand grenades.
Can you imagine how it makes me feel sometimes, knowing that?

And that’s why I have a memory of my shoulder being so often used as a pillow.
And of watching the menu screen for Spirit for hours.
And of accidentally drinking a fly that was in my green kool-aid.
And of writing our names on tombstone-shaped cookies.
And of going trick-or-treating via cell phone.
And of going phone-caroling and leaving messages for everyone we knew.
And of seeing the Music Man play.
And of getting letters almost weekly.
And of driving to the airport at 4am.
And of searching every store ever for costumes that weren’t slutty kitty or slutty bunny.

And why I remember the kinect ball.
And why burps amuse me sometimes.
And why I wrote that I had become a monster.
And why she looked so serious after reading my outline.
And why I invented Ethelred the Black.
And why I rescind my claim to hate Asian food.
And why I even know what graphene is.
And why I can’t use the word logical without sneering a little.
And why I tend to assume all GPS units are voiced by “Kevin”.
And why I am Goth.

The internet is a cruel, peculiar place…but it’s where I found my friends. I love them. And I can’t stand it when I see people hurt them…I feel so far away and like I can’t help or do anything practical or even useful. It’s terrible.  😦

I feel like I’d be completing a circle if I could find that dragon though.
Elfy already mentioned it and it made me feel ill.

I don’t know. I don’t even know.