I feel like I don’t put enough forethought into bringing new people here.

Not that I ever really expect to gain anything from it, other than one or two who will be curious enough to look for a minute and see that there are words here. Maybe read a few. Maybe leave some more…

I suppose I fail at thinking ahead.

But nevermind that.
I found the revenge wristband in my closet. Thought about wearing it again, despite the guidelines…and I felt angry enough to wear it…but then I was thinking…I don’t want revenge anymore, do I? I read The Cask of Amontillado yesterday, too, and I have never read it (to be honest…I have never read most of Poe’s works. shame on me.), but there was a lengthy bit about how to successfully achieve revenge–it’s not something I want anymore. I wonder if I ever did…but I don’t wonder enough to think long about it.

I am just waiting now for K to read my email and answer my question so I know what to do. Or maybe I will just do it if I haven’t heard from her my January. Mostly I just hope that if I’m being foolish, she’ll stop me. But I like to think I’m not being foolish…

Foolish is the one unexpected gift I gave this year. That needn’t’ve happened. Especially after I looked at what I was writing to her, and tried to think about how it sounded…foolish in the extreme.

And then I wonder if other people do this with their friends–think about what they’re doing or saying, and try to look at how it makes them look…………probably not. Most people aren’t such long-distance friends with individuals that have (in the past) had some extremely Vulcan-like tendencies to point out every instance where one is doing something illogical or foolish or that otherwise should probably not have been done.

But. Yeah. Foolish.
I didn’t write a word about it.

I wrote instead, under the pretense that “this might sound stupid, but…”, about how sad I was when I went to see The Hobbit, because all I kept thinking about was eleven and a half years ago, wandering into a place built on a vague idea of Middle Earth, plus lots of pie…and finding a place where I fit right in.

I read back through some of our old role-playing stuff, and they were ridiculous in the extreme. I’m kind of pleased to note it’s my own fault for things like…treating skirmishes like they are volleyball matches and keeping score. And finding a mystical mooing cube. A giant rat in place of a horse. Good stuff.

*long, thoughtful pause*
Ugh. I have to go to work in the day (a rarity), so I should already be asleep now…but…meh.

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