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I feel extra loserly.

I felt tired when I woke up, spent all day at work being frustrated about stupid paperwork tedium, and occasionally being summoned downstairs to run drinks since so many people didn’t show up today and Les Miz was killing us…then I came home early (by that, I mean 130am) because I started feeling feverish and ill, and I decided I would have a cup of mint tea and see if it made me feel better. And then I had a second cup.

And in the mean time, I spent an hour reading a few hundred pages worth of saved role-playing stuff from back when I was in high school.

It’s so weird…K isn’t in any of it that I’ve looked through, and Melody? The only times I found her were one time when we were at a Prancing-Pony type inn and she and another girl were talking to Melody’s (real) sister and having a cry over some stupid boy in our group…and I think I was dueling someone over spilled hot chocolate…….and one other time when Aragorn (the guy who played him used to date Melody’s sister…maybe she was crying over him? can’t recall.) crashed a party that the hobbit characters had thrown to cheer everyone up…and things quickly devolved into the two of us threatening to fight to the death over something that had happened in a previous day’s rp…

It’s just weird to me that I can’t find my two best friends in the very place I met them. Like…how did I get talking to them then? I can’t even remember.

And I’m kind of shocked to see that I’m not friends with another girl from our group…maybe I assumed it would just be too awkward? I don’t remember. I don’t know if I just incredibly dense and didn’t see it at the time, but she had a crush on me. x_x

Maybe I did know and just thought it would be too weird to try and be friends with her because of that. It seems likely. I just can’t remember…it’s so frustrating to not remember things, even insignificant-seeming bits about near strangers that I knew only as their character names…

I wonder sometimes if any of them remember me. And then I think it’s a stupid thing to wonder about.

Is it?