I feel very meh.
Of course…it also got warm today, and I tried not to know it, but as soon as I went outside, that other me had me by the shoulders and was like “OMYGOSH! CAN WE GO SOMEWHERE? CANWECANWECANWE?” and dancing around because he is like our dogs when they hear the word “walk”.
I told him we could go somewhere in May. Maybe.
And we thought about NZ, and how irritable I feel, knowing I need to make a phone call tomorrow. I don’t mean to feel irritable about it…I just am. Because…crazy bit of info about me…I am a fan of the idea that if it isn’t fine, not saying that it is. I can tell when you lie to me about that, you know. And I feel bad, but…ugh. Makes me want to break things, thinking about all the times I said that and how sad I felt when you just took my word for it. I like you too much to let you do what I would do when I know I can stop you (by doing what you didn’t do, of course…but it’s okay. I’m not holding a grudge.).
I can’t stand the idea of trying to make the town burn tonight. I am so, so agonizingly close…right in the square…but I write so, so slowly. It’s beyond frustrating.