That was fun. (although my family may possibly murder me for being on the phone until after 3am…)

It feels like forever that our conversations have consisted of me quietly listening to her natter on…I don’t think I’ve had the opportunity in a long time to have the kind of talk that is a constant stream of sarcasm and witty remarks that keeps circling out and then going back to things we already talked about and that makes her laugh and choke on her tea and say incredibly stupid things back to me…

I don’t think it ever dawned on me before that our every conversation like that was a kind of game. She saying silly things that she knew I wouldn’t leave alone and would make all kinds of outrageous responses to. It never occured to me that she was doing it on purpose because it actually amuses her to hear me talk like that. How stupid of me.

Before I’d at least felt like I was terribly clever, but I also felt bad thinking that because of the other sense I’ve always had that the ridiculous things she says are, in part, honest…and that by worrying those silly things she says, I was being cruel…

But I think I understand better now. At least, I hope I do.
It’s hard to know, after you admit to yourself that you’ve spent hundreds of hours speculating about a person, what’s real and what you maybe only imagined. But maybe it doesn’t matter too much.

What matters is making her laugh.
That makes me happy.

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