Yesterday, there was a tiny puppy at her house. It had stubby little legs, and when it toddled across the floor and bumped a wall, it turned right back around and toddled until it bumped into another thing.
Like a wind-up puppy would.
This one girl at work, she is chittery and loves squirrels. Was excited when I said she reminded me of one. But, the other day she was crying. I don’t know what happened, but I couldn’t think of anything else to do for her, so I took a little round yellow label sticker and drew on a smiley face. I put it on her shirt and said I hoped it would help.
She has worn it the last two times I’ve seen her since then.
I feel very down, lately. I wish I didn’t read that book. I didn’t finish it yet. I know I could end it in one more sitting, but it’s too hard. I find it difficult to explain…my revulsion not at the ideas themselves, but at my realisation that I possess certain strong inclinations to agree.
He’s been so quiet since we have a friend and he is so occupied with thinking of things to talk to her about that he just doesn’t feel the need to go into fits of screaming rage…but…that whole notion of being me, and being Wolf at the same time…it’s stuff like this which makes me feel like two distinctly different pieces of a whole. The feeling of agreeing with and being repelled by the same idea.
But, I will be taking a break from horror stories and weird tales, so that might be good for me. Be reading one of my college anthologies of Restoration Literature, and my book of Renaissance Literature after that. Maybe I will feel better.
The whole concept of horror…the confusion and failure to accept or process something we know should not be, yet somehow is. That sums up what it is like to feel this way.