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What this time?

Well, probably my mind. I keep thinking……..
I stop. And we have conversations about whether we are real. Or where she refuses to go check the women’s restroom because she will burst into flame if she has to go into a gender-specific bathroom, and it all devolves into my telling her she is a liar and she denying it and I am saying she wouldn’t know that unless she went into a gendered bathroom, but then she’d’ve been incinerated and wouldn’t be there to tell us she couldn’t do it.

And she says:

You’re horrible. You just want me to burn up.
That is not true. I merely want you to check the bathroom. You may check the men’s room as well, if restricting you by gender is a problem.
Uh. No?
I am attempting to work with you on this. Do not be difficult.

Bryan comes into the theatre and asks for his side work. He starts doing jumping jacks while I tell him, and she’s all like,

Oh my gosh! You’re like a jumping-jack-doing scarecrow!
 Bryan, if you do not have a Halloween costume in mind, you should consider that.

He looks at me and says, You hurt my feelings. He walks out.

Oh my gosh! You ARE horrible! Why did you hurt Bryan’s feelings?
I did not mean to. I only agreed with what you had already said.
Well, that’s just awful. Why are you agreeing with a piece of trash like me? I hurt people’s feelings all the time. But at least I’m sorry about it.
For a piece of trash, you are verbose. And I did not say I was not sorry. You see, lacking feelings of my own, I am sometimes insensitive to the feelings of others…
Green blooded hobgoblin.

And I just look at her until she starts giggling and covers her face with her show schedule.
Check the bathrooms. Now.

But I am paranoid of upsetting people, and l apologised, just in case Bryan’s feelings really were hurt. And I didn’t think they were, but when I said I was sorry, he launched into an explanation of his anxiety about people comparing him to a scarecrow and how he felt like maybe he had some scarecrow characteristics…namely frightening others away…being alone forever…

I swear, sometimes I don’t know if our employees are messing with me or not.