I was going to go to sleep, but you know how that goes.
Wake up at 7am for work…arrive at 10am, before the half of the building I work on is even operational, and find that the theatre as a whole is already crashing and burning…
What a terrible start to a very long day.
My favourite excerpts are these:
Our first showing of Thor 2 was sold out, so I went in after it ended to help get a jump-start on bussing that theatre, only to have a server tell me that a light is broken in seat such-and-such in row this-or-that. Okay. See, there are these little lights next to the seats so that people can look at their menus in the dark theatre…very nice, thoughtful, and convenient.
Except that this person was annoyed by the light and wanted to turn it off. But they don’t turn off, and when I go to look at it, I find that the lightbulb and its casing are gone. Just…gone. Someone bloody RIPPED IT OUT OF THE CONSOLE.
Couldn’t fix it in time for the next show, so I tried to assess how bad it really was by, erm…touching the ends of the wires. They were dead. Whatever this person did to the light was pretty hardcore. Soooo…I radioed to my managers about it and we deliberated what to do.
Me: I could put some tape over it.
Brandi: That might start a fire though.
Me: No. The wires are dead. See…I sort of touched the ends. I wasn’t electrocuted, as you can see.
Qaman: Well, we aren’t all immune to electricity.
Me: Really? I thought that was a thing…
Qaman: You’re just far superior to us mortals.
Me: Ah, I keep forgetting that.
Brandi: In the meantime…I’ll just stuff the wiring back into the console…
And then there was the candy canes.
See, we have a specialty drink that includes a mini candycane as a garnish, and I was picking up a tray from the bar right as the bartender plopped in the candycane. Um, no? It’s supposed to hook over the edge of the glass.
I told her so, and she said they couldn’t figure out how to make it work. So…I picked up a candycane and hooked it over the rim of the glass. Like so.
She looked at it for the briefest of moments and I could see the neon sign scrolling through her eyeballs with the words, “why didn’t I think of that!”
She looked delighted. And I was moments away from clawing my own face off. An event that was almost unavoidable, since I passed three servers who all wanted to know how I had pulled off this spectacular feat.
Fucking dark, evil magic. That’s all I have to say for myself.
And finally, 6pm rolled around and I packed up my dark magic and fled that den of lesser beings. And went forth to buy cat food and eat tacos and watch Thor and The Avengers in anticipation of staying after work again tomorrow night and watching Thor 2 again.
And I made this.
Because I love the little eight-legged horses.
And now I have been awake long enough that my right eye is all bloodshot and evil-looking and I should probably sleep. For reals.