One more day on the long road to memory, forgetfulness, and eventual oblivion.
I went to work today with my skull cup, from which I drank cranberry juice and added another brush stroke to the portrait of myself that I hope others see.
I think it was a success. Everyone knew without being told that it was mine. Because, you know…out of all of us, I am the most likely to drink from skulls.
I almost wish that people could see the me that is Wolf. I think they would be unsurprised, because he looks like me, but still…isn’t. It would be nice to see how people took to a physical representation of who I am in my head.
(I’m crazy, I suppose?)
Anyway. Did that. Watched Thor again. Which was a terrible idea, since I had just spent eight hours with the bussers, and after climbing up and up and down and down and down so many stairs…my legs were not cooperating when I finally got up from the movie. And then I forgot what level of the parking garage I left my car on. Blegh. The top level, of course. Which I like to park on in nice weather because the wind reminds me of the wind from the bay when we would go to Michigan…but tonight there was finally a frost, so my windows were all obscured. Dislike. Because then I had to turn on the heat, and I was feeing that funny feeling I get sometimes when I want to be freezing cold just to see how long I can stand it.
I used to do that when I was so upset about her. Stand outside while it snowed until the pain in my fingers was unbearable. I do not know why I do it now. I have nothing to try and take my mind off of.
Ah well. I am cold now. And for hours, I have been getting those little glitches where my mind starts to turn off because I am so tired. The smallest degree away from actually nodding off…
I suppose I shall sleep now, and feel that terrible, empty loneliness that I have tried and tried to freeze and burn and obliterate.
(Horrible, lying creature that I am…maybe even now I am freezing myself for the same reasons.)