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Or and. Either, I suppose. Maybe more and.

A liar and a scoundrel.
A villain and a cad.
A gentleman and a scholar? Not so much.

I can’t help thinking about it again and again, and how terribly much it is EXACTLY like the sort of melodrama that does not happen except in Lifetime movies. Except that it did.

And for all the damnable times I have imagined melodramatic scenes happening to me, they never have and I have always believed they were just things that were made up in my head because I watched too many shows, or read too many books, or listened to too many stupid, stupid songs.

But then it happened.
And I thought, it won’t be like that because something else will happen…but…it didn’t. I didn’t go back. And everything was not okay. And I thought I had more time, but there isn’t enough time and there never bloody will be. And now all I can think is that I would rather not think about it at all, and rather not reflect on my new and irrevocable status as a liar, or about how I really am relying now on this inhuman trait of suppressing my emotions. Because I know I feel guilty. But I would rather not consider it.

And I would like very much to reflect outward that I feel nothing. Because if I cannot do this, then I will be asked about it, and if I am asked about it, and the asker is persistent, then I cannot avoid the idiotic expression of how I feel. I would rather not.

So. Songs again.

#8: Rome–Swords to Rust

More apocalyptic folk music, courtesy of Luxembourg.
This song is more brightly toned, and more richly textured than the last song I posted about from this musician. Listening to it is like…the sound of a dusty, golden sunrise.
There is no better way I have to describe it. Except that if it was pictures, this is what it would sound like:




Beautiful, and walking that line between stoic and courageous…how can you not want to give that a listen?

#7: Colony 5–It Was Only A Dream

Yeah, so this song is based on one of the pretexts we were forbidden from using in all my creative writing classes…but I feel like that “it was all a dream” idea gets a bad rap. I’ve had some excellent dreams, after all…
And then there are the dreams that we have while we are awake…not about a beautiful princess or something, but…just…sometimes I see things in my mind and they are beautiful. Places I wish could be real. Things I wish I could project so others could see what I see…and that’s what I think about when I hear this song. All those beautiful things we dream, and can almost not bear to admit are not real.
Of course, the audio on all the youtube uploads for this song is…wonky or something, because it doesn’t sound quite like my copy of the song (no, it’s not a remix), but it still gives off that same impression.