Mmm. A new year and I am getting that impatient feeling that I want to go away for a little while.

I wonder sometimes if other people have internal clocks that tell them when it is time to go on vacation, or if they just use that phrase when they are sick of going to work day after day. Huh.

Been thinking I should see if she wants to go out and do something sometime soon, too…because I have had some time to get over my embarrassment about our last visit, and because…I can scarcely believe it…but I think I have purposefully been avoiding talking to her not because I was embarrassed, but because I am jealous.

And I am.
I always am.

I am always jealous of my friends’ friends, and the ones I am fondest of I am typically jealous of their significant others, too…because I’m crazy or something like that. Or maybe just because I’m terribly insecure and feel like people will stop liking me.

For all the terrible things I can and do imagine happening to me…the imagining of them ceasing to like me is always one of the most painful. I couldn’t stand it.