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Today was a chaotic day at work. Yesterday we did almost nothing, and twiddled our thumbs and played games and Toni and I texted each other between times where we actually were doing things.

But today. Chaotic.

Started out slow enough, but then we had sellout after sellout. And then a guest collapsed in a theatre and was unconscious and paramedics came (he was fine, in the end). And then we had a power surge and all the projectors went down in the middle of playing, so our booth person and some managers were running around to all 30 theatres, trying to get them running again…

Good times. And we only got behind on bussing 3 times, and two were the last shows of the night anyway.
Not a bad run, I’d say. The manager in charge told me a did a good job and needed to start taking credit for it instead of saying it was nothing…have I mentioned I hate taking credit for group efforts? I do. Very much.

I had some baffling things said to me again, though. Almost the same thing. By separate people.

I was messing about and pretending to be mean about something, and one of our servers exclaimed, “uh-oh! you’re bringing out the dark side!”

I tried to protest that I didn’t have one, and she said everyone knew that was a lie. She said she thinks I must have a dark side not because we all do, but because I am likable and yet I don’t get close with people. She supposes that I must be lonely, and that this loneliness is what fuels my dark side, with its dark thoughts and bouts of meanness…

She’s spot-on, of course, but what do you say when someone just comes up and says that to you? I think I thanked her for the psychoanalysis and said I would store it for processing (which I am now doing), and that she should run a tray. May have also stuck out my tongue.

Sometimes I am curious as to what exactly is socially acceptable, and whether or not that applies at work, since at least 60-80% of all our exchanges have an air of familial dysfunction to them…what do I know?

And then Jennifer said a funny thing, too.
I’ve only recently determined that Jennifer is entertaining to talk to, which is dumb, since she’s worked with us since last March…I’m dreadfully slow, sometimes. But yes. It’s great to have someone at work that I can enjoy a conversation with, since Toni and I still ignore each other at the theatre a lot…but today, I was waiting for a theatre to let out so we could clean it, and Jennifer and I were talking with a server about something inane that I can’t even remember when she blurted out that I was one of everyone’s favourites at the theatre.

I am pretty wonderful, no argument there…but then she went on to say that it was weird because I didn’t really have any friends, even though everyone likes me so much, and didn’t I get lonely?
It started to worry me then, that maybe there’s a conspiracy to have some sort of friendship-intervention for me, but that’s silly. Right? o.O”

But yes, I do. Not so much anymore. I feel like I have semi-adequate socialization now because I go out with Toni sometimes, and also…knowing that people like me enough to be so in tune with my personality and recognize that I probably do get terribly lonely is kind of…I don’t know…satisfying? It’s not like I’m asking them to fix me or do anything about it, but the knowing that they care without saying so is nice.

And the Jennifer also telling me that she disagreed with classifying me as Vulcan, and that if I were an alien, I had to be a Time Lord because I’m brilliant…that amused me. Mostly because we’ve only talked about Doctor Who once, so I am not sure at what point she could have decided that. But I’m good. It’s nice to see the joke about my lacking emotions is dying. Or getting stale.

Now it’s just the reality of everyone liking me and enjoying my conversation, but failing to be close to me.

And that, in truth, is why I decided to seek out company in the first place–because the lack of closeness and the chronic loneliness is a thing that drives us faster to our deaths, and I’m not having that…