That’s what I said, and then fell right back asleep and had a massively trippy dream.

Idk. Maybe we’re getting old, or maybe we’re just tired a lot, but Jester and I seem to spend a lot of quality time sleeping. And that shouldn’t be the case, because I already sleep a lot.

But, yeah. We came home from dinner, and pretty much fell straight asleep. And I kept waking up because I knew I wasn’t supposed to be sleeping yet. And because I had a tickle in my throat. And because my arm was asleep all the way up through my shoulder. And a million different reasons.

And one of them, I woke up and saw a soldier bug on the ceiling. And I said that there was a bug, but I’m not sure why I said it because I knew Jester was sleeping.

And I went back to sleep and dreamed that the house had frogs in it. Red-eyed ones that live in the rainforest.

That kind of makes sense, since his mom collects frogs and there are frog toys and frog decorations and frog images in the house. But in my dream, the frogs were sort of…taking over other creatures. Like, there was a toad. He looked like a toad, all bumpy and whatnot. But he was starting to turn green and his skin was smoothing out and eyes turning red like the frogs. And a cat whose fur was turning green and whose legs were deforming so that the cat had to hop instead of walk normally.

And then there were the tapirs.

The first one I encountered in the dream was because someone I used to be friends with came into the room and woke me up. He said that the plan was almost complete because we could finally talk to the tapirs, and I was like, “wtf…?”
I think that was about the point where I stopped being me and assumed another character.

My former friend led me out of the house into this giant, warehousey-type place, and introduced me to a baby tapir.



This one was just as goofy and cute looking, but also came from a long line of tapirs who had been trying to communicate with us for generations. Because they could fly spaceships.


Ah. Um. No? I don’t really fancy letting anything that makes faces like that fly me around in a spaceship. I don’t even know how my brains came up with that one, but this picture sums it up nicely.


And also, here is a lion playing the accordion. Because who knows what pictures will crop up when you search for “tapirs in space”?


Anyway, so this baby tapir communicated to us that his people had completed the ship we requested, and the warehouse was actually inside the ship–I never saw the outside of it.
That was also the point at which I learned that I wasn’t human, but that I was part of a humanoid race that was considered inferior to humans because, when we arrived on Earth, we had been somewhat like the opposite of the frogs in my dream…we had an amorphous quality and adopted the humanoid form because it suited us, not because that’s what we actually looked like. And we adopted human culture because we’d lost our own when we travelled through space in our amorphous forms.

But we were immortal. And, being immortal, we had finally grown unhappy with the state of being human servants and human companions, and being subjected to everything human…so the group that had gathered in the tapirship had decided that what we were going to do was fly the ship to a certain place–Idk where it was–and crash it so that we would have a crater that we could build our own amorphous city in, and it would be just ours and there would be no humans.

And…for a dream that started by me cuddling and falling asleep, I am surprised at the coldness of my dream character up until that point. The character was okay with the frogs absorbing the Earth’s animals, and with destroying large swaths of land to create our own space…but then I asked our leader–some blonde woman in a pink dress…you know it’s a weird dream when Barbie is leading an alien-tapir-frog rebellion against Earth–if we could choose instead to remain with the humans, and she got all angry and said I was stupid for asking that because why would any of us want to stay with them?

I thought about that and didn’t say anything. But I did take a bottle from the boxes and boxes and boxes of Squeeze-It drinks that were stacked around the space ship.


Apparently, we were not supposed to do that, and I think I knew it because the ship lurched suddenly and bottles went flying everywhere. I was promptly subdued and given a lecture about how stupid and human I had become because I could give up my form so that I didn’t need to drink things anymore, and I didn’t need to be impulsive like humans, and I could have really damaged our mission, blah blah blah.

So I told her that I liked being humanish, and wanted to know who had made her the ruler of our people, but she had some sort of reasoning behind it…being the one who instigated all the planning or something. But at that point, others in the ship were getting angry because they hadn’t signed up for the mission just to be told what to do all over again…and the designated designer of the city started freaking out when he was told he had to land the ship a certain way to make the crater a certain shape, etc…so…he sort of started losing his form and expanding until he was a giant angry face with bulging veins and eyes, and he said that he was Icarus the genius and he would create a city for us that had nothing to do with Barbie’s dictatorship…aaand, he absorbed all the Squeeze-It’s, and then exploded in a way that melted part of the ship and killed Barbie, and also sent us crashing down to the desert where we would build our amorphous crater city…


And all I can say is that settles one thing: I do enjoy being humanish.