I still don’t know what to think. I see now that it is partly my own fault. But…my sisters? I don’t know what to make of them. One of them just says these things under her breath while we are having dinner and our dad or other sister is talking…and I am the only one who hears her, and I always laugh…because we have no souls (it seems), and mom always wants to know what is so funny, but no. Nope. Nothing. It’s not funny, actually.

But somehow she’s picked up on it enough to be evil to me…

And then our middle sister did the same thing yesterday.

I think I am just paranoid enough to think I am being elaborately trolled…by basically everyone at this point. Because of that text, too. That was a weird one…

Ugh. How did this happen?

I feel like…as inevitable as it was that I would react internally the way I have, I wish somehow that my Wolf-self had been clever enough to keep me from reacting outwardly in whatever way I’ve done that’s caused it to spread around like this. Like I’ve contaminated everyone.

It’s not a comfortable thing…despite the fact that everyone is taking it in stride. (Maybe that’s what worries me, actually.)

(And–more parenthesis, I know–I just had a thought. One that I think was trying to form when I woke this morning–and yes, it was actually morning!–but that couldn’t quite hold itself together yet…I think that the reason I am stuck in this now is because she isn’t there anymore, occupying so much space…and I feel…no way about it. Nothing. I feel nothing about the realization that she isn’t registering anymore. I don’t even feel surprised that I feel nothing…which is what I wanted to feel for all that time anyway…but I can’t even get excited about it now that it’s come to pass…

Admittedly, if I were to actually see her–unlikely–it would probably not last…but that’s the beauty of unlikely situations: their unlikeliness makes them a non-issue–except for paranoid people like me, because we will start to think about it anyway, just in case it happens…and I can’t really discount it, since the last “unlikely” scenario I was fancying did happen…ah, I should just stop. Like, really. Just bloody STOP.)

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