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I suppose I ought to know by now that if things are going too well, it’s because something terrible is about to happen.

It has only almost happened though.

But almost is bad enough. They just want to give us a few days to really begin dreading the imminence of the terrible thing that is probably happening.

And then, once they tell us and give it an official announcement, I am not sure what to do. Because when you are close to a person, the bad things that have happened to them are really happening to you. But there is nothing you can do to stop it. It’s just different this time because I already know we are waiting for it to happen, rather than finding out so far after the fact.

I cannot tell what feeling is predominant right now. Self-pitying despair? Fiery, Wolfish rage? That cool, metallic emptiness that tries to pass itself off as calm so that we can think what to do next?

I don’t know what to do. Or how to feel. I just don’t. I can’t even think of who to tell.

I will never eat a cinnamon apple again.

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