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I think I have to confess something.

I realise it’s a long time after the fact to be admitting this…but…I’ve been listening through a bunch of music I used to listen to in high school and college, and I don’t know why I listened to one particular genre…

I don’t think I ever actually liked metal.

There. I said it.

I listened to SO MUCH METAL between when I was 16-19…and I just don’t like it. I don’t have memories attached to a lot of these songs, and I don’t like them for their sound…so what then? No idea.

I think that when I was that age, I just hadn’t found a type of music that I really enjoyed listening to. And my favourite band had quit, at that point…

Why metal though?
Don’t know.

I think…I had an inkling of what I was looking for in music…but it wasn’t fully realised until I found Virgin Black (the first Doom band I ever listened to). It’s like the feeling I get from metal wasn’t…all-encompassing enough? I don’t know how to properly describe what I mean. Like…I wanted the violence (which doesn’t translate to actual physical violence, but a feeling of it), and the malevolence…but I wanted it to be darker and I wanted it to be sadder and just…bigger, overall. Hence the exponentially larger collection of music I have from the Goth spectrum.

Idk. What a stupid post.

This is what happens when I try to remember just what on earth high-school-aged me was aiming for.