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Seen the new Jurassic Park movie. It was not what I expected, but I didn’t really expect it to be this deep or even emotional thing, so I am not disappointed. I expected to see dinosaurs killing things.

I got that. But not like I imagined.

So now, here I am, listening to movie soundtracks and contemplating the pressing questions that I don’t actually have the energy or inclination to answer, but that my brain thinks we should share with everyone else.

A) If sharks can smell blood miles away, doesn’t the water with the blood in it have to flow aaaaaalll the way from where the blood originated, to where the shark is? So…it’s not smelling it from miles away, is it? I’s smelling blood that traveled to it via currents…right? I mean, I guess it’s like saying that scent molecules have to travel through the air for, say, a lion to smell blood…but…I’ve also never heard anyone make that claim about a lion, you know? That they could smell your blood from miles away.

I doubt this claim about sharks was accurate, but I can’t even remember where I heard it.

B) How did someone have an idea for ICEE? Like…did they just let some soda freeze on accident, and think, “hey, this is a great idea!” I don’t get how someone could think of something like that on purpose, but then I haven’t researched how it was “invented”.

C) How is it that I went to hear one of Gustav Mahler’s symphonies–actually bought tickets and went downtown to the theatre and everything–and I am only just now bothering to learn anything about him? I wasn’t a very good student in my humanities class.
I wrote a paper about the symphony…but I cannot for the life of me remember what the purpose of the paper was or what I thought of it…at some point it seems I downloaded Leonard Bernstein’s New York Philharmonic recording of the music though, so I was listening to it again before I moved to LOTR soundtracks…I forgot that Mahler wrote it with the story of Faust in mind…that idiot. I haven’t thought about Faust in a long time. But I still want to punch him. Usually I don’t want to hurt literary characters (what’s the point?), but not this guy. He’s so stupid that I cannot stand it. And having the same professor teach me the material twice? Torture. I liked the way Lord Byron adapted the character in Manfred though. I didn’t want to hurt him so much.

D) In Harry Potter…why is it you can transfigure a feather duster into a hen, but you can’t conjure food? Ollivander can conjure wine. He does it in the 4th book at the wand weighing ceremony. Seamus Finnegan transfigures water into weak tea. Could you not transfigure a tennis ball into an orange? Perhaps conjure some coffee out of a wand? Mrs. Weasley conjures a cream-sauce while she’s cooking in one of the books. It seems like Rowling’s most needlessly contrived plot points.

E) As I am online, it seems that more and more I see two strategies for dealing with other people.
One, which says I have no right to take offense at anything just because I may hold one view and other people don’t share it. I’m no better than they are, just for holding one view or having this or that preference, and I have no right to make any kind of judgment on views that are different from mine own.
The other, of course, says otherwise. That I should be upset when people imply that my views don’t matter. That I should not be ashamed to hold a particular view, and I should take every opportunity to make sure I tell people what I think and never mind how they feel about what I say…

Does anyone else feel like this dichotomy is becoming more and more of a thing? Because, tbh, I don’t feel like I can really share anything about anything anymore for these reasons. That feeling doesn’t apply here, obviously…I can say what I like because almost nobody will see it. But on facebook? Hell no. I don’t want to bother anyone by making them feel like a view I might take belittles them, or that I am trying to be an asshole by having this or that opinion…and I also don’t want to discover that, by declaring that I have an opinion on something, certain people whose considerations I had valued may suddenly become assholes to me because I shared a view they didn’t like.

It’s all very distressing. And I think that is a piece of why I have such difficulty in making connections with other people. Because I don’t want to make others feel bad, but I also don’t want them to make me feel bad. So I just say nothing and become nothing at all as far as others can tell. No opinions. No interests. Nothing to contribute. (Because despite my recent spate of work-conversation posts, the majority of my interactions with other people are not about Nazis or murder or harvesting the tears of orphans…)

F) Why is life so difficult?