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I don’t get to have two days in a row off often enough…they didn’t really go the way I’d planned.

Between Wednesday night and Thursday morning I only slept about four hours…because that’s what happens when you get off work at almost 2 am, and then get woken up at 7-730ish. Aaand then we made the 2+ hour drive up to Cedar Point.

And someone got killed at the park because they were being stupid.
Word of advice: the fenced-off areas around roller coasters are fenced-off for a reason. Don’t go in there.

We speculated a lot about it while we were in line with some other guests who’d heard about it from their family…but today I read that the person who thought this was an okay thing to do was a 40 year old man searching for a lost cell phone.

No cell phone is worth dying.
No person who’s lived that long should think they’re above safety rules.

The whole thing is just so stupid and upsetting.

And so is my thought process when I am on a roller coaster anymore…I never had this problem until about two summers ago, when Jester and his sister and I went to the other big coaster park in our state–King’s Island. I think that maybe it was because that was not so long after I’d heard about the woman falling out of a coaster at a Six Flags park…but…like…my mind latched onto that, and now when I’m on a coaster, all I can think about is that I am going to die. Like, they used to be fun to ride and now they’re increasingly just not fun for me at all.

And I know how stupid it is to be thinking about this…but that’s not really it. It’s not that I really think I am going to fall out.
It’s more…the last one we went on last night had fabric belts that you latched, and that had the double-knob buckles where you have to press both sides in to release, and then it also had a metal lap bar.

While it was cranking us up the hill, all I kept thinking about was that I could see the latch on the belt. I could open it. I could open it and I’d fall right out or something dumb.

Clearly, there is something wrong with me. Enough that my Wolf and I are having this conversation–

Wolf: What the hell? Why are you even thinking about that?
Me: I don’t know!
Wolf: What? Are you planning on unbuckling us? That’s the only way this can hurt you–if you cause it to happen. You won’t do that.
Me: I know. I don’t want to! I didn’t say I wanted to. I just keep thinking that it COULD happen.
Wolf: Wtf. So are you saying you’re afraid of us unbuckling just because we can? For funsies?
Me: No! Well. Yes.

So…I’m afraid of me? I don’t know. It’s absurd. Like when I am stuck in traffic that isn’t moving, but the lane beside me is still going fast, and I say to myself, “imagine just opening the door and stepping out…”

And the other me (sometimes my Wolf and sometimes me…we both think about these things) is always like, “the fuck is wrong with you?”

This is, of course, a part of why I am convinced I am afflicted with some variant of OCD, since I’ve been told that disturbing, recurrent thoughts can be a symptom. *shrug* Oh well.

(And in case anyone is concerned–I wouldn’t DO any of these things. Seriously. But the fact that these thoughts filter through my mind is upsetting.)

*sigh*

Didn’t get home until about 2am, showered all the sunscreen off, and then slept for about ten hours. My feet were all hurty. And sometimes there is nothing nicer than waking up with clean hair and clean bedding and feet that are no longer sore…I’m a little cross that I had to take two melotonin tablets to stay properly asleep though. I wish I could just sleep when it was time to do so.

Didn’t end up going hiking with my sister like I’d intended, so I feel bad about that…but we went to the smaller park by the house and walked for an hour…and then I didn’t make it to the carwash in time to get Erika cleaned up (she is still all bug-splatty from when we went on vacation last month)…but one of the other managers at my theatre texted me and asked me if I would come in and close for her because she was feeling really sick. So I said I would because I would hope that one of them would come in for me if I needed it.

That and it’s 5 hours of pay that I wouldn’t’ve had otherwise.

I did end up sending a vandalism report at 2am though, so that annoyed me. Because when I went to shut down all the projectors, there was a giant, red graffiti on the hall wall across from the auditorium where the Compton film was playing…and one can say that I sound judgmental or that I’m jumping to conclusions (not that I’m racist though, since we definitely sold a lot of tickets to white and Indian guests for that movie), but come on. Right outside the theatre that that film was showing in? Really? I have the tiniest of feelings that maybe a patron who saw that film also decided to bestow their artistic skills upon us.

So annoyed. Didn’t try to look for paint to redo the wall myself. Partly because I suck at painting, and partly because it was 230 by the time I got my report filled in and submitted and all of that. The openers will have to figure out what to do with it, I expect.

But…yeah. Extra pay, and Maggie is bribing me with baked goods. Which is how this happened–

I walk into the office.
Maggie: You’re my favourite. For real.
Me: I’m everyone’s favourite.
Maggie: What kind of cookies do you like? Chocolate chip? Oatmeal?
Tyler: I told her you liked Jew’s blood cookies, but that involved cutting throats and she wasn’t going for it.
Me: I hate you.
Tyler: Oh. Is that not true? You don’t like those?
Me: Can it be your blood, since I hate you more than anyone else?
Tyler: Probably not, since Maggie won’t cut any throats. How about pie then? Cake…?
Me: I don’t really like either, and you’ve put me off cookies…
Tyler: Who doesn’t like cake?! What baked goods do you like that isn’t cookies, cake, or pie?

And I think of one, but I can’t believe how ridiculous it’s going to sound, given how this conversation’s already gone…and my face is turning red which I can’t even do anything about, so I start laughing…

Tyler: Well, now I have to know.
Me: Strudel. I liked strudel.
Tyler: Seriously? Of course it would be. *laughs* I swear, you really are a fucking fascist.
Me: That is not true. I just have really unfortunate preferences.
Maggie: *still laughing* I’ve never made strudel before.
Me: Well, that’s alright. I know it’s August, but I remember you bringing in awesome gingerbread cookies before…

Soooo…yeah.
Sometimes I don’t know if I am winning or not.

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