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O hai. So, I know you probably guessed as much, but I did not poison myself after all.

I was in bed for about 12 hours yesterday, but I felt much better than I did when I was at work Thursday night.

And then I slept for four hours last night and opened. And this was about how my morning went–

Mike: Oh, you have on a red shirt today.
Me: Yes. The ill-fated red shirt. Naturally, this will be the day that someone forgets to set phasers to stun.
Mike: But at least the blood won’t show up on it.
Me: Probably because I don’t have any.
Mike: Oh. I was under the impression that you were full blood…
Me: What a ridiculous notion.
Mike: …German blood.
Me: What the–?
Mike: …the blood of the Reich!
Me: It isn’t even 930 yet! It’s TOO EARLY FOR THIS.
Mike: *laughing*
Me: *glowering*

And then we had a laugh at an email from corporate about an upcoming movie, The Green Inferno. Their description of it was that it “crosses a line” and “takes the central plot, cannibalism, too far”.

Me: How is that even possible? Like, I mean, I feel like once you’ve introduced cannibalism, you can’t go “too far” with it. You’re already there.
Mike: Yeah…I mean, what makes cannibalism worse than it already is? Baby cannibalism?
Me: But that’s been done lots of times…I literally can’t think of how to evaluate one kind of cannibalism as being “worse” than another.
Mike: Maybe they cannibalize nice people. Like monks.
Me: But maybe the monks would see it as a positive…their lives end and they are free of their physical attachments, and at the same time, their companions will have sustenance…
Mike: Aw, that does sound worse though–they can’t eat those nice monks!

And about my reading on how to strike back at fleas without poisoning myself…

Me: It’s upsetting me a lot, so I keep trying to not think about it. I mean, how can you be sure you got them all?
Mike: Just keep at it, you know?
Me: *glum* Right. How depressing.
Mike: Don’t feel down about it. Channel your inner Nazi. I’m sure you’ll be killing things more efficiently in no time.
Me: Like you, maybe? You’re horrible.

I left work early, which I don’t usually do…went and bought cat food…went to the park and walked for almost an hour, came home and was violently ill…

And that brings me to the subject of things I never talk about. Like my real feelings, for instance, (ha. no. j/k…we’re not talking about those), or how utterly powerless I am to get anything accomplished in my life because every time I think I am getting there, something ruins it…

This, I fear, may turn out to be one of those things.
Because I am sick a lot.
I can’t eat certain things. Or anything at all. Or sometimes I do and spend the rest of the week regretting it.
I just never say anything because what good will it do me? Because it’s not so bad that I can’t function (most of the time, anyway), but it’s still miserable.
And what would people tell me if I complained more? Everyone will say I should go to a doctor.
But I did that and it didn’t work out so well. Probably because the doctor I saw was a stupid man who didn’t take me seriously and then gave me a “sample” medication without letting me know what any of the side effects were or what it was actually supposed to do…

Why bother paying more money to go and do that again?
Because…the sick always goes away, but it always comes back, too. And I don’t know if it is stress or diet or something worse. Maybe I’d rather not know?

I’d just like to stop being sick.

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