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Ahh, how awful.

Went to the giant metro park yesterday, and while dusk was starting to fall and it was already dim under the trees, I came across the remnants of one of my people.

vampire remains

I was not sure what to make of these, being as far out as they were and on a less frequented path. Very curious.

Was thinking about doing a bunch of song postings next month, as I have done before with favourite Christmas songs…except that these would be postings of favourite songs about Halloween or monsters and whatnot.

That might be fun, right?

I would even promise to throw in some songs that actually are fun, and not just melodramatic Goth-type stuff.

But we’ll see what happens.

And speaking of melodramatic Goth-type stuff…omg.
My fiancé likes my tastes in music alright, although he’s got a much broader range of musical interests than I do (which is fine…we all like different things), but one thing he occasionally says (like, when we go on long trips) is that he can’t listen to so much of it at a stretch because it is too dark or too dreary or too upsetting (hm, I will need to get further clarification on this some time).

I don’t understand how that could be, because frankly, I have found Goth-type styles to be one of the least upsetting.

Yes, okay. The lyrical content can be melancholy and introspective, or shockingly violent…but that–to me–is being upset in one’s thinking. Being made to think about that which one might prefer not to think about.

It doesn’t trigger the same emotional responses that specifically sad pop or rock or country songs do. Or ska. Ska is a happy-sounding genre, and there is a ska bad whose songs are constantly upsetting to me, even fifteen years after first hearing them.

Ultimately, I hate weeping over sad songs. And I am glad there are so very few songs in the styles I like best that have made me weep.

Very few isn’t none though, unfortunately, and after veering away from the music-trail that was trying to introduce me to “industrial splatter porno pop”, I ran into a song that is so evil and upsetting that it not only made me weep, but has also managed to lodge itself in my head for days now. -_-

I have listened to it enough times to desensitize, but…ugh. As I’ve been making my way through their tracks, every time I click on a new one to hear it, I’m hoping that it doesn’t turn out sad…

I mean, we were getting on so well. Although I suppose I’d be less cross about it if it weren’t for what Wolf is viewing as a tremendous effort by the universe to show us what a monster he really is. Because it wasn’t just weeping for a sad song. It was weeping because the universe had been trying and trying to reach us about our monstrousness, and I was not having any of it…so it did a thing that has not happened before and reached in to make a cut at my Wolf.

In the mental landscape he lives in, my Wolf’s coat was dark and drenched with rain, and his body language was as forlorn as any lost dog’s…

But that bit of me is not sad. I think it doesn’t know how to be. We are ashamed. Because I persuaded myself that being a monster was not so bad, and it is.

Not that I can stop myself. I am the way I am…but I do get it. All the underlining of how to be a monster, and to whom. Because one cannot be that way with everybody…and I know that…I do…

It’s just hard to remember when to stop.

(And now I must sleep. And maybe dream a variation of the dream we had last night, of my Wolf trying in vain to get in touch with this person and express just how cross he is about being smacked around.)

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