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Eew. Audited paperwork for most of my shift today. Because I was elected the most soulless (and because, you know, that was my main task at my old theatre…not being soulless, but completing and checking paperwork) and because the real auditor will be at our theatre either tomorrow or the next day, so we figured we’d go over everything one more time before that happens…

It was mind-numbing. Like, I don’t remember how 9 hours passed like they did, but it seems to have happened.

Also thanked my boss for letting me leave and take Deady to the pet hospital. And we talked a lot about pets…Paris’s dog with its eye problem, Tyler getting his cat neutered in a few days…my learning experience with the flea shampoo…

Mike: Wait. What kind of crap Nazi poisons themselves with cat shampoo?
Me: *all of the sarcasm* Well, sometimes you realize you’ve disappointed der Führer, but you have also run out of cyanide tablets.
Mike: Aw, man. Hate it when that happens.
Me: Not that I would have died anyway, what with my not being able to be killed.
Mike: That’s right. But, tell me–did the shampoo cause any lasting side-effects? Unstoppable cat noises? Whiskers, perhaps?
Me: I was afraid that would happen, but as of meow the damage seems minimal. Nothing I can’t live with.
Mike: *laughs*

Yay laughing. I think.

On the other hand…I am feeling anxious. Not about cat. Or about poisoning myself. But about Jester. I am not good at cheering people up. I’m actually less good at it now than I was before. I’m not sure why. But it is so. I don’t know what to say to anyone. Even people that I do want to cheer up.

The words all feel empty even when they aren’t, and I don’t mean for them to be…but some part of me is not persuaded that they matter in the slightest, and wishes we would not say these things that we know can’t just make a situation better. But one must try, right? 😦 I don’t know.

I don’t know how to be a proper human. (Maybe I would do better as a cat.)

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