Sometimes it’s like my Wolf is someone else, and not me. Especially in dreams.
I remember only a very few dreams where I was him. Particularly the one where she was trying to drown him in a bathtub, and he was sad because he knew he couldn’t be killed, but now he would always know she’d tried to drown him… It was weird.
Last night I had a dream where I was my Wolf. Not a wolf, but me. Me as the other me. And he was cross. So cross. Because he was trying to help some people travel, and the dream-world was borrowing heavily from my memories of going on vacation with my family.
So we were all in this big, blue, 15-passenger van, and I think I was driving because I was sitting up front and couldn’t really intervene in the annoying situation going on behind me…but I was on the passenger side of the van.
Conclusion: either I was driving in Europe, or the dream was remembering me as a passenger on our family vacations. No idea.
But yeah, I was annoyed because my two sisters were with us (and this dream was pulling heavily from my memories…my sisters were probably 10 and 13 in my dream, when they are presently 22 and 25), and they looked to be fast on the way to becoming BFFs with our guests, which made my Wolf angry, as my middle sister has always been in the habit of making people think she is charming and I am more or less worthless by comparison.
So we drove and drove, and then my dream skipped ahead and we were stopping for the night at the house my family owns in MI. And the house was dark and everyone seemed to be asleep. Except for my Wolf, who was enjoying one of our favourite pastimes… lying down and quietly seething about everyone…but my Wolf has different habits than I do, I suppose. Because I would usually close my door so I could seethe without being disturbed. Nope. Door open.
And…this guest of ours who I was trying to help, and who is nobody I know from my waking life, decides to come in and make himself at home. And start channeling the spirit of Jester.
Because he wants to cuddle with Wolf, which is not okay. My Wolf is my least cuddly side as it is…and even in the dream world, it is uncomfortable to receive unwanted cuddles from anyone who is not Jester or one of my pets.
Wolf: Dude, wtf?
Wolf: What are you doing?
Cuddler: I didn’t want to be by myself.
Wolf: Good for you. Go bother someone else.
Cuddler: *sad* But everyone is asleep.
Wolf: Then you go to sleep. But go away first.
Cuddler: I don’t want to sleep by myself.
Wolf: Omg. Why?
Cuddler: I have nightmares…
We very much regretted thinking that the teen/preteen versions of my sisters were winning this person over–this is not the kind of friend that my Wolf enjoys.
And, at that point, my other self’s blood is boiling, and he takes a while to will away the desire to stab the cuddler…and we were almost going to speak, when we looked and this person who we were loathing so intensely was already asleep on my Wolf’s shoulder.
This dream was weird in a sharply different way than what I am accustomed to…because my Wolf just looked at him sleeping, and felt sorry for him, and in my dream, my Wolf and I could at least grasp the absurdity of this character coming to us so they could feel safe. Because of course.
…it was odd to be aware of myself thinking things in a dream. The kind of thoughts that I would have if I was feeling like that version of myself in waking life. I think my Wolf eventually slept. Or the dream ended. One of the two.
And now it is time to sleep in reality, I hope. And maybe not have dreams wherein I must acquiesce to cuddles.