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I’m concerned that they’re going to stop letting me sit in on classroom training for our newbies. We watched the ridiculous mid-90’s sexual harassment video (an important subject to be aware of–I’m not denying that), which includes advice to not call people pet names like “sweetie”, “honey”, “babe”, etc…I told them that we just call each other “comrade” instead. šŸ˜›

There was alsoĀ a part toward the end of the slideshow where we reiterateĀ the little slogansĀ that are supposed to represent our company values (blah blah blah, boring), and I pointed out that Maggie had included little graphics of raised hands on those slides, and wondered if we were supposed to be having them stand and repeat everything on the slides, like some weird company pledge…

Blair said the last thing we need is for me to start training classes of new hires to raise their hands in salute to our company values.

It’s like they don’t trust me or something. :/

And now, more music.

Song 25:
Die With YouĀ (Blutengel)

If I was ranking the songs in my year-end playlist based on melodrama, rather than the number of plays they got, this one would be #1.
It was one of the ones where I was just clicking through track listings, innocently looking for new music, and the internet was like…”o hey, wanna hear a song that will make you weep for days?”

Thanks, internet.

I probably wouldn’t weep if I were less awful though. So there’s that. Because all I kept thinking about was all the slightly melodramatic things that someone close to me kept saying to me about how they were feeling, and then about how I kept just getting angrier and not taking them seriously because I couldn’t stand it…

And then this song was like, “Reesey, you are a monster. You should probably stop being like that because you are hurting people.”

The story of why I identified so much with this song is way more complicated than that…I’m just not sure there’s an easy way for me to explain myself without potentially upsetting that person if they were to visit me here (and I know they do sometimes).

It’s just…really hard to love someone when you are not a very loving person, but that’s what they need you to learn to be. I don’t know if I am getting any better at it, but it’s something practical that music has done for me…because when I listen to this song, that’s a thing I think about and try to figure out practical things I can do about it…ways to not be a monster.

Still. It’s really hard.


Previous #25 Songs

2014: The Noise Inside My Head (Assemblage 23)
2013: Faith and Reason Part Ways (Pretentious & Moi?)
2012: Many Miles (Bella Morte)
2011: The Last Unicorn (Bad Romance)