, , ,

wanna be me? Like…we trade or something so someone else can put up with all this stupid for a while?

I had a doctor’s appointment today that I had nightmares about last night…ruined my sleeping and kept on ruining my day because once I was there, whatever that stupid anxiety is that I have about doctors and hospitals decided to make an appearance…

I feel like it was worse than usual this time though, because the two me’s couldn’t decide how to react. The one me wants to break down and start blubbering, and swears that we’re suffocating…and the Wolf me wants to take out a fistful of the poor nurse’s long dark hair if she dares touch us again, and the small bit of me that’s trying to be rational is like, “omg, can’t you both CALM DOWN?! *to wuss me* You’re not suffocating–it’s just an arm band for blood pressure. And you, Wolf!–be nice to the nurse! She’s just trying to take your pulse.”

(I hate to admit it, but because of the nurse that was assigned to me when I had the accident–“honey, you can stop hyperventilating…you’re not really hurt”–I think I’ve developed a specific dislike of nurses with long, dark hair…they seem to be the adult form of a lot of the uppity girls I went to high school with. Not that this excuses my feeling so angry…)

Poor, rational me, beating its head on the inside of our skull. *sighs*
Meanwhile, my blood pressure and pulse are reading leaps and bounds above what they would normally be while I’m resting.

And because Wolf’s way of dealing with things isn’t okay, blubbering me is the one that gets control of my face and then has to explain our irrational fear to the doctor. *covers face* I haaaaaate that me. Even more than I hate Wolf me, because at least he is useful sometimes.


I have another appointment for next month that I expect will be worse. Nightmares forever. And also the ridiculous struggle to not cry and snot all over everything…and also to not bite anyone.

It’s really just too stupid to be tolerated.