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This has not been an ideal weekend.

Yesterday, we went to the church we’re getting married at, because they want us to attend a class with them…and arrived in time to learn that apparently someone forgot to tell us that the time had been changed. And there’s a book we’re supposed to have gotten, which nobody told us about…and which I won’t have until Wednesday, whereupon I will read all four chapters as soon as I get it and then drop it off with Jester so he can read them before the next meeting this upcoming Sunday.

And then it rained all bloody day. And someone who I persuaded to help me make decorations cancelled those plans. Bah.

And today…I needed to get a haircut, and I left and discovered that the place I’ve been getting my hair cut for the last 5 years is closed. And Toni never got back to me about whether she could see me today…

Fine. Okay.

So I went to that film club by myself because at least that wasn’t cancelled.
And I watched Saving Private Ryan and was glad when the first half hour was over and I could stop shaking. (Some little corner of me is keeping a list of the movies where that has happened so that it can remind me to never watch them again, I think.) It wasn’t so awful after that first bit, which makes me feel like they cheated… *shrugs*

And there is my Wolf, nudging me and asking if I remember being in the fourth grade and discovering that certain words have a taste or…that they create a weird sensation when you say them, and to remember our thinking that someday we were going to end up getting into trouble over this word because, even without being a curse-word, it still wasn’t okay. Not something you say if you can help it.

Of course I remember. Nine year old me just didn’t know that it wouldn’t matter until we were twenty-seven year old me.

The student that got left in charge of the film club remembered me, I think. I’m not altogether sure that this is a good thing though…but he opted to not have a discussion after the movie because it was already 1130. I was okay with that, since I don’t know these kids and I kind of don’t like being reminded that I’m not a student anymore.

It was raining steadily when we left, so I also got to remember all the times when it rained while we were a student there.
And all the times when we stood in it and wept because nobody could know then.
And the times when it was painfully cold and snowing and we would stand in it until our coat was white and we didn’t feel our fingers anymore…

My Wolf gets all huffy thinking about it though, and asks me why I have to be like that and remember all of those ugly things. And he points out the unsightly craters around the bottom of the new building they’re putting in…those are ugly.
The idea that they demolished a 100+ year old building is ugly (to Wolf me), although I think we were only ever inside that building once…to listen to someone in a class with us play the giant taiko drums. Wolf me points out that this is an example of a nice memory, not like the ones about standing in the elements and feeling like everything is over…

We left feeling glad that we parked so far away…in one of those moods where all we’d like to do is prowl through the dark and be one of those things whose eyes shine back at you in orange or yellow-green.

Okay. Another memory.

That time when we took Toni to the university on a friend-date. And even my Wolf is horrified to remember that we took her to an exhibit of pictures of dead people because she liked art and dead things, and because it was the only free art gallery that we could think of on such short notice…

I feel very cringe-y about that one. More than about taking her to actual graveyards and eating iced cream.

Although he at least acknowledges that we might have felt differently about going to that particular exhibit if this had been a thing in, say, the past year or so. But it happened before this was a thing we remembered we were interested in so keenly. (Good gods…that stupid little green boat! I want to go back and punch myself!)

I’m so glad that time-travel doesn’t exist so that past me can be spared the constant beatings that I would love to go back and deliver!

I think I’m done here for tonight.