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Omg. So…I had to have blood drawn as part of my onboarding, so they can check that I’ve got all the proper vaccinations/immunities…

It was horrible.

I had a meltdown and the nurse kept asking me if I was sure I really wanted to do it (of course not!)…but I couldn’t embarrass myself and withdraw my application and take back my notice at the theatre because of bloodwork…

Tbh, I’d rather die than have bloodwork done. But I’d also rather die than lose face with all the theatre people who I already told I was quitting…not to mention my family and friends.

Of course, I held the nurse up for a long time with all my nonsense, so I felt bad about that. And about having such an intense panic attack in the first place…they wouldn’t let me leave the employee health office for a while…I sat around for 15-20 min, sipping apple juice and eating pretzels because they were worried about me passing out…

I finally made my way back to the HR office and got my paperwork finished up…and then the HR secretary said the nurse called her to make sure they didn’t let me leave right away and kept an eye on me for a little while…UGH.

I’m soorrrrrrry I’m such a baby. -_____-”

But I have the job, so that’s great. And also intensely terrifying. I don’t know anything but work at the theatre. And…I spend about 1/3 of my waking hours with those people…now I’ll have to meet new people to talk to.  😦

Dunno. I’m just worried about dumb stuff now. Like what if I’m not good at it? Or…an important one that my Wolf and I were struck with when I had that meltdown: hospitals terrify us. Wtf are we doing, trying to work in one? x_x

Here’s hoping that I can be desensitized.

I will miss seeing the nighttime though. I’ll miss it a lot. But…I hope that all the other good things will outweigh my not seeing the dark as much. We’ll see…

*looooooooong sigh*

So, some media I’ve been into lately, because at least that’s not terrifying.

Watching:
Making my way through American Horror Story: Hotel It’s not so bad, but that season took a bit longer to build up than Freak Show did…I think there are a few plot lines that could stand to be snipped off, but I still have about a third of the episodes left to watch. We’ll see where it goes.

Reading:
Read a book called Playing with Fire by Tess Gerritsen. Based on the book description, I was thinking that it would be about possessed music or evil musicians…the plot is built up around a piece of music titled Incendio… Plot twist: Incendio was titled after Holocaust crematoriums.

Me, Reading: Like…wth? Is this even for real? 😐

I didn’t hate the book…I thought she tied things together alright, but parts of it were a little too contrived, and…given I didn’t know that the plot was going to go the way it did, I’m a little concerned. I’ve encountered a few books over my reading this past year that seem to belong to a genre where the author wants to tell one story, but ends up telling a different one alongside it…and it doesn’t quite work out for the best, in my opinion.

Listening:
I talk about the band Rome kind of a lot, considering. I’ve finally managed to get into a few of their albums that I flat-out did NOT like when I started listening to their music…there was a 3 part series of albums they did called Die Aesthetik der Herrschaftsfreiheit…and the songs are…I don’t know. They’re better listened to in context of the rest of the album, I guess. There are a lot of spoken parts in these ones too, which might account for part of my preference of listening in one go…better cohesiveness.

I’ve been liking the Aufruhr one best, and I figured I’d share a piece of it before I go to bed. One of the bits that can be listened to apart from the rest of the music.

I also feel like for whatever reason, this album series makes me feel calmer…maybe those spoken interludes are good for something, eh?

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