As much as I want to continue the series of posts detailing why I spend every morning repeating a mantra of “I’m so unhappy” and “you suck at everything you do” and “everyone thinks you’re worthless”…Imma post something lighter instead. About dreams I’ve had.
I have so few anymore…they’re like unicorns. (Huh. Rhinos are so endangered at this point that they’re basically unicorns…………………anyway, not the train of thought I want to pursue right now.)
So, the dream where I lose is the one with the unicorn, unfortunately.
In that dream, I was having a hard time because the point of view was really weird, even by my standards. I “saw” the action of the dream through an outside point of view…but the character it followed, while not being me, was intensely aware that this was a dream, and was also adamant that he was me.
I’ve possessed characters in dreams, and I’ve had other dream entities be aware of me existing inside a character in a dream…and I’ve sort of…left possession of characters and watched their confusion after I’ve left them…but I’ve never been outside of a dream character who knew he was in a dream, or who had that kind of awareness of me as the person dreaming.
It was very disorienting.
In the dream though, this character was having a really heated argument about his being drafted into the military. He was trying really hard to convince another person being drafted that neither of them actually could be drafted because nothing was real. It was all happening in a dream, and besides…he was me, so even in waking life, this situation was toward the bottom of his list of worries.
The person he was arguing with was being very patient and listening to all of this nonsense, but his whole response consisted mostly of telling my character that he couldn’t get out of it by pretending to be crazy because they’d find out he was pretending and he’d either get sent off anyway or go to jail. And so my character got very broody and stopped talking to anyone else in the dream world so he could focus on how to prove it wasn’t real…
I had the sense that things skipped ahead in time a bit then, because the next thing I know, the guy who listened to the “we’re trapped in a dream” theory was still trying to be nice and invited my character to join a group of people for a night out before everyone got sent away. In a rather un-me like move, he decides to go.
Skipping ahead a little more, the dream took us all to a tattoo parlour, where everyone is drunkenly choosing tattoos to remind them of this or that or just because…and then there’s the “me” character, who is not drunk (which is a pretty me thing to be), and who is practically shaking with rage that the dream hasn’t ended and that he hasn’t been able to prove that none of it is real…but fine. Fine. He knows what he knows, man. And he’s getting a tattoo to remind him of the way things really are and won’t let any of his friends dissuade him.
…it’s a tattoo of a unicorn with a rainbowy mane and tail. Because he knows that he’s me.
The whole sequence was as if Wolf-me had been crystallized into his own, separate entity, but still knew that I was there. It was super creepy.
I felt like that dream was distinctly not in my favour, so yeah. That one was the loss.
The win dream was from last night though. And I really was me, which came as a surprise.
In this dream, it’s winter and I park my car at the mall where my original theatre is. And as I’m walking away, I hear the sound of metal on metal, and I look to see that an older man has smashed his car into mine. His car is fine, but Erika is crushed. Almost like my previous car when I got into the accident two years ago.
So the man and his wife and two little kids get out of the car and start hurrying away. I run to catch up with them and he doesn’t respond or even look at me when I’m like, “Hey..! HEY! You just smashed my car!” I catch up with him and he still ignores me. I grab his coat sleeve and he jerks his arm away and says that they’re late for a movie.
I try to ask him for his insurance info or a phone number or something, but he just keeps power walking away. The rest of the family don’t even look at me,
So…I’m pissed. But I go my own way and for whatever reason, I actually do live in an apartment above the theatre (which I always joked about when I worked there and crew kept saying it was like I never left). I decide to run a shower, but as I’m showering, I keep getting angrier and angrier and pacing in the shower (which is absurdly huge…like it’s own room) until the water gets cold. So I get out and dressed and decide to get revenge.
I grab my keys and go out to the guy’s car and start raking my keys along the doors and hood. And then…Wolf me makes his appearance and decides that random destruction isn’t good enough. It needs something to give it meaning.
So what does he do? Carves a giant swastika into the area near the gas tank. (Ugh, Wolf-me…why are you like this??? -_-“)
At that point, the old man comes out (short movie, I guess) and starts shouting at me. And I remind him that HE WRECKED MY CAR! And he starts laughing. And asks what I’m gonna do about it. And this old man starts making fun of me…so I punch him in the nose and he goes down hard on the ice.
You know, as I’m retelling this dream…it sounds pretty bad. Maybe this one isn’t actually a win, eh? If I am punching an old man in front of his grandkids and, you know, incorporating Nazi imagery into my revenge plots…
It was pretty satisfying to punch that guy though. I mean…even if she is ungrateful and tries to kill me sometimes, I try to take care of my car. Poor Erika.
So those are the kinds of dreams I’m having these days. Not creepy in a straight-up creepy way like when I used to have dreams about being eaten by sentient fungi or about being trapped on a longboat that was gliding into eternity (which is a glacier, if course) and realizing that we’re all dead…
Just creepy because I don’t like the idea of Wolf-me and I being separated, or because I don’t approve of my behavior in the dream with the car.
But I’ll take these dreams over none at all. For sure.