I think things went well


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I think my interview went pretty well. I had two–one with the HR lade, and one with both a talent development person and the department manager. They were all friendly and seemed to like me and my answers.

And they ended it with the famous phrase that all hiring managers use: “we’ll be in touch in a few days”.

So I guess maybe I’ll know by either the end of the week or by the beginning of next week. We’ll see.

Now I am just worried that I’m getting sick again…my sinuses have been draining a LOT, so my throat is scratchy (and I am super thankful for Ricola and their throat drops that are both helpful and good tasting), and now my left ear is feeling weird…

Ugh. I don’t want or need to be sick again!

On the upside though, one of our other theatre managers traded days with me, so now I’m off the next two days as well. Maybe get some actual stuff done around the apartment, eh?

Now, time for sleep because I am tired. So tired.

job interview tomorrow


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So, I have an interview for tomorrow afternoon. Wish me luck and all of that, I guess.

I’m hella nervous…

I suppose I can always just straight-up tell them that though…right? Ugh. Why do I have to have been born awkward?

I’m sure it will be fine though…just…remember to smile and shake hands…take a small water bottle in case I get a tickle in my throat (but also don’t choke on the water if I take a sip)…try to not wear all black…don’t apologise for the pay I asked for unless they bring it up and my number was way off base…don’t complain about my current job, and instead focus on what I’m hoping would be better at this job…try to steer them away from the fact that I can’t actually lift 150lbs because that’s more than I weigh…make sure I leave with enough time to get lost (since I probably will) but still be on time…DON’T admit that one of my greatest achievements at the theatre was becoming everyone’s favourite Nazi…

I got this.


I’m too tired to feel cringey at this point, I guess.


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Today was a more or less pleasant day. Nothing annoying at work.

I didn’t get a call about the job I applied for, but we’ll see what happens later this week. Instead, I called a bunch of people about working at the theatre…which I always feel a little weird about and wonder if, in seven years from now, they’ll be in the position I’m in now…looking for a way to get out of the theatre routine (or lack thereof).

I read an article that I kind of enjoyed and though I would share with you. It’s about a neo-folk styled band called Death in Rome. I can’t remember if I mentioned them before, but they do parodies of pop music…occasionally with altered lyrics to fit themes found in neo-folk…

This article focuses a little heavily on the writer’s perceived shortcomings of parody artists, but I still thought there were some interesting observations in here…particularly because I haven’t really read much about or interacted with other people who actually like neo-folk music. (Time to set up a visit with my former employee who wanted to recommend some of this music to me!)

Here is the article I wanted to share.

In closing…I would like to tie this whole thing up with a thing that Thabet and I were horrified to learn: the audits this year include a random three days worth of video footage from the offices.

I never imagined I would ever be discussing with an employee the likelihood of them getting in trouble for throwing Nazi salutes on a semi-regular basis.

I swear…


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Do employees at other places ever walk up to their bosses and say stuff like, “Okay, so if so-and-so and I fought to the death, who would you root for?”

I feel like I get that question a lot. But, you know…since I’m a good manager, I can’t choose a side…so I usually just tell them that I hope they both beat the hell out of each other, but that nobody dies because I still need them to work their shifts.

That’s an HR-approved response, right? 😛

Anyway…super nervous now that the weekend is ending. I looked again and that job I applied for is already off of the web site (or, I can’t find it, anyway). So now I keep just telling myself that they’ve already found someone and didn’t even call me…which of course I have no way of knowing, but that’s how I operate…jumping to conclusions that are never good and often also wrong.


Also…and I feel weird saying this (and also now this post is going to go in a completely new direction), but I’ve decided there is at least one thing going on in this mishmash of protests and movements that I really do want to support. The “Alt-National Park Service” is something I feel like I can get behind, because people are woefully ignorant about the natural world, and it upsets me that so much is going on all over this planet that’s bad, and the state of the planet and its resources and creatures trumps (no pun intended, I swear) human politics no matter what. Or at least that’s what I believe. Because political parties and agendas come and go, but once all the water is ruined or all the ocelots are extinct…well. That stuff doesn’t just come back into fashion at a later time, you know? It’s just GONE.

So I did what one does and joined on social media. I shared a post. I may consider giving some money (Idk if they’re raising funds) at a later time…because I’m conflicted about giving a portion of my tax return to conservation now…how do I know government conservation agencies are going to support anything I think is important anymore? Like, I have some research yet to do, but I got mad when I read something saying they were planning to remove protections for wolves…

I don’t know to what extent, which is why I need to do more reading…but that upsets me. Plus this whole idiotic wall nonsense. Like, wtf. I’m embarrassed for America for obvious reasons…but a barrier like that also impacts wildlife and I’ve read studies before Trump was even a thing about how species are impacted negatively when their natural territory or migration patterns cross borders. I have no problem believing that a dividing wall would only increase the negative effects.

Kind of like stuff I mentioned a good while back, reading about ecology in war-torn areas…species that become threatened or die off because of humans trying to destroy each other…

It’s all very upsetting. And I’m against all this human stupidness against nature because nature can’t organize itself to speak to humans on it’s own…not like a refugee or a Trump supporter who can make a case for themselves in their own words. Nature only gets as much of a voice among humans as humans are willing to give it, and I think that’s worth thinking about in a time when everyone is wanting their own voice to be heard.

Time for work now.

keeping it to myself


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So, it’s a million times harder than I thought it would be, the whole keeping it from all my coworkers that I applied for another job and am actually really seriously intending to leave the theatre.

I’m bursting to tell everyone…but I can’t think of why. Like…does it matter? Nah. No. I’m replaceable, I’m sure.

Mostly though, I don’t want to tell them all and then not get the job. How embarrassing.

I’ll tell Thabet though, probably. Because I’ve always found it very upsetting when my theatre buddies have been fired or transferred or quit. On the other hand, if I leave and we don’t work together anymore, that means we can be friends in real life, so that might be nice. Especially since I won’t (probably) be able to use fascism as a topic to bond with people at any other job I might end up at. (This is as it should be though.)

Anyway. Mike texted me and told me he passed my name along to the people in charge of the distribution department, and they’ll probably pull my application at the beginning of this upcoming week. How nerve-wracking.

On the other hand, I got my review at the theatre today and it wasn’t so bad. About what I expected, tbh. Except that Stephanie didn’t tell me what my raise is, and it doesn’t say on the review itself…maybe she doesn’t actually know??? Idk. Corporate won’t have our paychecks adjusted until the 9th though, so…ugh. I won’t even know until right around the time that I *might* be quitting. How stupid.

Anyway. Gotta get some sleep, I guess.




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Okay. So. I mentioned that Jester and I had gone to lunch with some people I used to work with at my theatre, one of them being my old boss. Among the many things that came up in that conversation was the general consensus that I should leave the theatre, and Mike said that if anything opened up in the materials distribution department he’s at (it’s in a hospital), he’d let me know.

Behold! Not even 3 days later and there’s a position open.

He texted me about it yesterday, but I didn’t get the chance to apply because Erika was throwing a fit again (battery light came on and I had to take her to the mechanic, but the battery is holding a charge and the light didn’t come back on any of the times they started the car) and I ad to go to bed early…so I applied earlier tonight.

Now I just feel super anxious about it. Like…what if they don’t choose me? Or even interview me? Stuck at the theatre still, I guess. Ugh. -_-”

Or…what if they do hire me? *terror*

What will I even do with myself??? (Work a different job, duh…)

Idk. I just feel weird. Like…I’ll be disappointed if nothing comes of it, but if it does…just…the probability of relief and terror isn’t exactly balanced, but I’m not sure which of those two things I would feel more strongly.

Wish me luck, I guess.

never enough


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I’ve got nothing new. I’d be lying if I said I did.

Just stuff I already knew:
1. It’s stupid that my job is either obscenely busy or consists of me wandering empty halls and scrolling boredly through my phone because literally nothing is happening.
2. Don’t read books about cold climates in winter. Just don’t do it.

I am disappointed with myself. I used to have things to say. Now it’s just dreading things at my job, and dreading social media because Americans LOVE their free speech and don’t know when to just shut UP. They’ve said all the words and then some. On both sides. And everyone just needs to shhhhhhhhhh….hush. And maybe think about what they’ve done.

I really want to be by myself. For a long time. Yesssss, I admit I wanted to try and be more social…and I do…and I like to see my family, and Jester, of course…but I get the feeling constantly that I no longer spend enough time alone with my thoughts. It’s an odd feeling, and one that I am not enjoying.

Too much work. Too much being busy. Too much obsessing over to-do lists…and when I put on a list that I need to do something quiet or relaxing, I’m also trying to calculate just how much time I can really spend on that thing. How long until the alarm goes off, signaling that I need to hurry up and move on to the next thing on my list?

Ugh. I don’t know. Never enough, that’s for sure. There is never enough time to power down and cut off from everything. Never.



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Today was the most pleasant day I have had in a while.

Slept alright…then got up early to make it to church with Jester. After that we came home and I did a few little organizing things before we went out to Lunch with my old boss and his fiancé, and another guy who used to be a manager at my theatre. It was a pretty good time…I was surprised, tbh. Would definitely do again if we can ever find time off at the same time.

The weather was also pretty pleasant, considering it’s only the end of January…it was in the high 50s/low 60s…a little damp, but not in a way that made me feel chilled and sickly. Soooo I went on a walk and was sad that I really haven’t been walking since around Thanksgiving…

Went to the grocery…came home and read the first few stories in Laird Barron’s Swift to Chase. I’m not sure I liked the first or the third ones, but the second was not bad. We’ll see how the rest of it goes.

And now…pretty much time to get ready for bed.

I open for three of my four shifts this week, so I’m not thrilled about that…but if the rest of my week can be about half as pleasant as today was, I suppose I’ll take it. (Although right now I’m on high alert for something bad to happen, as it often does immediately after I’ve had an enjoyable day…)





Idk. I am in pain right now and I didn’t get done any of the stuff I meant to do around the apartment… yesterday or today, so double the failure.

I did mail my unfitting clothes back and I did go see my friend like I meant to. And I paid a bill, so…yay, I guess.

Now I have to go to bed. But first, a thing I have not done in a long while: a survey! Which I last took on Saturday, 29 November 2009.

  1. The last time you skipped a shower, what was the reason?
    I didn’t shower until after I got my hair cut on Wednesday. Not a fan of all those tiny little cut hairs being stuck to me all day…
  2. What’s your favourite thing about the fall?
    Dead leaf smell. –> My 2009 answer is still true.
  3. Have you ever used scented garbage bags?
    Yes. They smelled like… lilacs. Blegh. –> Again, still true. I’ve also encountered vanilla scented ones, which are slightly better…
  4. Do your parents collect anything? What?
    They still don’t.
  5. Do you have to do a lot of chores?
    Yes, but I don’t do them… shame on me. –> Ha! Even more now that I’m an adult. But I still don’t always do them. 😦
  6. What’s the best thing about little kids?
    Is this a trick question?
  7. And the worst?
    Dirt and snot and messiness. –> *high fives 2009 me*
  8. Do you collect icons? Why/why not?
    Ah, yes…before memes was the word of the day… I never collected them though.
  9. Do you always wear a lifejacket on a boat?
    Still can’t swim, so yeah…
  10. Dora or Diego?
    I’m the map I’m the map I’m the map @_@
  11. Are you a fan of the band Hedley?
    I still don’t know who they are.
  12. Are you constantly searching for batteries?
  13. What’s your favourite thing to do on the weekend?
  14. Would you ever buy an orange cell phone?
    Ooh…I had one for a while that was grey and orange. My last non-smart cell phone…
  15. When was the last time you made cookies?
    Jesse made cookies last week. I was kind of too sick to really enjoy them though. 😦
  16. Got any tests tomorrow?
    Nope. I guess there are some perks to being an adult…
  17. Do you even study for tests?
    I never really did. Because I was good at tests and bad at life. A situation so prevalent that the Japanese have a word for it…I don’t know the word, but the internet told me it was so.
  18. Does your mom think dreadlocks are gross?
    No. My mom has interesting views on fashion and self expression…
  19. Are you home alone right now?
    Jester and Fidget are here.
  20. Do you know anyone who has received a puppy for Christmas?
  21. What’s your favourite word?
    Melody used to be a favourite…I don’t think I’ve got one right now, although I like the word unendlichkeit…it’s kind of fun to say.
  22. Mine is askew. Do you like that word?
    No. And I didn’t askew what your favourite word was. BUUUUURN!
  23. If you’re “seeing someone” what does that mean?
    I don’t know. It means you aren’t blind. –> 2009 me was so clever.
  24. Has your favourite band/artist released any new CD’s lately?
    Rome had a CD in October…so we’ll wait and see when the next one is.
  25. Do you like taking notes in school? Why/why not?
    It depends. For memorization purposes, yes. I never thought it worked as well for lecture driven classes though because those have less rote learning and more “figure out the concept yourself by thinking and not just writing down what I say” stuff going on. School was haaaaard. But sometimes I miss it…

stuff i need to do


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Welp, tomorrow will be for learning. For instance, I learned my lesson about overestimating sizes when purchasing clothing online…

The web site said it ran small, sooooo I bought a size up and now it’s too big. So I guess it runs “normal” sized? Idk. But now I have to send it back for an exchange, and I’m not sure how well this is going to go, as it’s international shipping and I remember customs forms being confusing to fill out…

But we’ll see. This just means I have to get up early enough to make it there at a reasonable time, since they close at 2.

That means going to bed basically now…


I hate adulting. *gags*

Then there is also cleaning and dishes to do. *more gags*
I might see a friend of mine, buuuut they never responded to my FB message, so we’ll see…

If they don’t answer, then it looks like just a trip to the post office, cleaning, and catching up on American Horror Story and my reading. Next up on my reading list: Swift to Chase, by Laird Barron. With a story that has an “atomic-powered cyborg war dog” in it. Which I would probably still want to pet. Because dogs. ❤

Side note: Unrecognised dog breeds are interesting…there is a sort of arctic shepherd dog that is the wolfiest looking dog I’ve ever seen…but I’ve never heard of it until today. Utonagans? Nah. Not once.

*wants to pat all of them*

Also…on Sunday my old boss is getting some of us together for lunch, so I’m kind of looking forward to that. It won’t be like a “work thing”, so I can maaaaaybe be less anxious…and also Jester can come with, which he always wanted to do before anyway.

Yay ^_^

So far it’s been a productive mini-vacation, but…I still don’t want to go back.

I need to scrape up my courage (SURPRISE! –I have none, being all talk…if even that) and start looking for a new job. Ugh. -_-”

Not to rush myself though…let’s say that I should aim to find something before the end of the year…something that isn’t retail or food service. (Or the bloody entertainment industry!)

Sleep indeed.