So, today was a good day. It was nice outside and people were nice to me and chatty and it was good times. I had a good day. Graduation parties are good times… got to see some relatives, some of my sister’s friends… Alex and John T. I hadn’t really talked to John T in a looooooooooooong time, so it was fun to see him again.
Something else though that I’m a little wary about, although it was great fun…
That sort of… overly pleased feeling started coming back again.
Now, I’m glad about it because I like it, but that’s what always sets me on to feel really anxious and like I’m going to go crazy over the summer.
I’m not sure why I feel that way though. I’m not even really sure what causes me to get that initial funny feeling either. I could describe how it happened though…
It was on the way from taking Chris home that it happened.
To start with, I’d only slept for about 4 hours before getting up today, and then after a few unpleasant moments early in the day, I had a really good afternoon hanging out and seeing people and talking… plus, the weather was very nice and not too hot or cold, and it wasn’t wet out either. It was very nice.
Then… on the way home, I was just sort of staring out the window, and there was this moment while we were driving past the downtown area that I felt that creepy, happy feeling steal up to me.
I’d been looking at the sky, because it was this really nice blue and the clouds were this sort of coral, yellow, and purple… and I started thinking that it was really pretty, and we went over this bridge and the skyline was silhouetted against the clouds. The buildings were a dark sort of blue, and there’s this one building that sort of looks like an old-timey tower, and the top of it is always lit in some colour or another… this time it was just regular orange, like street lights… but against the cloudy backdrop, the orange matched the yellow clouds and I thought it looked really pretty…
And the outside smelled really good… the air was sort of cool (but not wet, because I hate that), and things were starting to turn blue… and everything smelled so good and green and flowery…
And then when we got home, things were a little bluer outside, and I could hear the frogs in the pong, and it all still smelled so good…
I like it when things are blue. That’s one of my favourite times, morning or evening. It always makes me want to go outside… I like the blue times.
It’s sort of sad that having other people around sort of spoils it… I like to be alone when I feel that way (maybe that’s why I start going crazy… too much alone time!) and think about things… it’s how I started up my Red Riding Hood poem. Thinking about being on the dock and watching the moon while it was blue outside…
It’s probably one of my favourite things about summer.
Too early for it to be the best kind though… I would have to be at the lake for that… maybe with a little bit of sunburn, too, because then the blue time feels better…
I really shouldn’t want to have more evenings like that, but I really do. I’d like to go outside for them. I really, really would.
Maybe that’s what frustrates me so much… that I have to be satisfied with seeing it all from inside since I’m not allowed to be out alone when it gets dark (and in our yard, that would be something, since we live on 5 acres).
I want more blue time…
“Awaken and sing!
The last song we’ll ever hear.
Strike the lightning in me
To touch the words that we fear.
Awaken and rejoice!
That the end is near.
Destroy all the life that we’ve known
All the life we’ve craved.
O, give me the power
And allow me to waste away.”