Music Journal #34—CD3
Turn the Tides :: 38th Parallel :: Turn the Tides
Summer between grades 11 & 12.
Hey hey heya. It’s been a while since I’ve written one of these… so I figure I’ll take a break from writing cover letters, and post up a musik journal. Woot… or something like that…
In my last music journal, I wrote about a friend of mine and how she took to avoiding me because something had happened with her and she was afraid that, because I was a Christian, I wouldn’t want to be friends anymore and I would tell her she was going to hell.
Well, that was really depressing and painful to hear from someone who I’d thought was a “best friend” of mine. I never really was clear on why she thought she couldn’t trust me, but it did get me thinking about why situations like that occur.
I don’t remember my exact thoughts on it at the time, but right now… I sort of think that a lot of times, people who aren’t Christians have this warped idea that Christians are all “holier-than-thou” people who are just out to let everyone else know that they’re going to hell… and that isn’t true. Not for me and not for a lot of people I know.
I think that… I really wish that I was a better person than I am. I wish I was nicer and that I had a better attitude and that I was more helpful and more thoughtful when it comes to other people, but I’m not that person. I don’t know if I ever will be that person. Maybe not.
But… part of the reason I’m a Christian is because I want to try and be better, and when I really believe the things that the bible tells me, I’m compelled to try harder to be better to everyone else.
It kind of frightens me to think of how awful I might be if God didn’t compel me to be better than I currently am.
I don’t know… really I think that sometimes both Christians and non-Christians try to put each other into these little categories and draw lines between those two sides, based on bad experiences or whatever, and really it doesn’t help anyone.
I think that when Christians have something against people who aren’t Christian, they tend to act like self-righteous idiots and they should be slapped out of it because that’s just stupid to act that way… but at the same time, I think that when non-Christians get on their whole “oh, well Christians are childish and think they’re better than everyone else” soapboxes, that makes me just as angry because I don’t see them acting any better than the Christians that they say they can’t stand.
Most of the time I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m afraid of being categorized as one of those self-righteous Christians, and I don’t know how to get around that. It’s sort of the opposite of what my friend must have felt—like I’m going to be told off by self-righteous non-Christians who want to tell me that I’m doing a bad job and that Jesus was fake anyway.
I didn’t ask to be judged based on what someone thinks Christians do.
Lyrics for “Turn the Tides”:
Staring at the flames as they dance in red
on the corpse of the land,
and there in they’re midst are wandering a countless unnamed,
walking hand in hand,
blind leading blind aimlessly into the quicksand’s of time where they sink.
On the brink of eternity, cold and alone I shrink
at the festering, obscene corruption
and my silence in the face of this mass destruction.
[. . .]
Closed minds ill equipped to deal with this madness,
hearts far to hard to challenge a sadness that’s draining
the soul of a generation.
[. . .]
Everyone laughs, everyone cries, everyone lives
everyone dies and in between they crawl
through stagnate realities longing to fly.